Random Thoughts of a Lioness

The reward of conformity was that everyone liked you, except yourself.

This is me. Like it or not. 'I have long since come to believe that people never mean half of what they say, and it is best to disregard their talk and judge only their actions' - Dorothy Day, 1952

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Wednesday, June 30, 2004

3 More Days?!

Gosh..it is only Wednesday? Am already counting the hours for the weekend to come. *sigh*

I received the most pleasant surprising phone call last night. Stevie aka Gorgeous was my best guy friend all through high school. We were so opposite of each other in so many ways, but we manage to hit it off so easily! We lost contact after I flew off for my studies. Last I heard was that he was engaged to someone other than his munchkin 2 years ago. Although we haven't seen or spoken to each other for ages, the conversation just flowed so easily. My dear friend is finally getting married. And he has proved wrong to the people who always said he'd never make it in the real world. The short summary on what he has been up to after we left off was so very interesting. And now, get this - he is a prison guard in Singapore! He doesn't really like the job and the commuting, but it does pay him very well. I am so happy for him. Buster said we might be able to squeeze a trip to JB for the wedding..YAY!

My dear Steve, I wish you all the happiness in the world and I am so glad that you've found someone to share your life with. Hepsy is a helluva lucky girl.

This weekend would probably be another round of running about. Between dinner appointments, hitting the balls under the scorching sun, brushing up on my reading for Jiji's khatam kenduri AND trying to sneak out of camp for the long-planned movie outing..I think I'll start counting the days for next weekend from now. *double sigh*

By the way, I realised that someone in this office has a bad case of B.O.(ewww!). For someone who deals with clients most of the time, one would expect her to be a little bit more conscious on her self appearance. Reminded me of the article I read in the paper about that famous actress/model/tv talkshow host/singer/one of FHM Sexiest Women who unfortunately turn most people off with her body odour and unshaven ..err..armpits. I guess no matter how smartly people dresses up, or how expensive their wardrobe could be..some are just ignorant to the details of personal hygiene. Note to self: Hold breath next time she comes too near.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

It's All Written in His Little Book

Over the past 3 days, I have attended two weddings..and a funeral.

After such a tiring, forgettable weekend and an equally blue Monday..I don't think I am in any mood to write. Words and phrases are forming in my head, but I am just too lazy to pen it down.

Well, maybe soon. Probably. Whenever.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Rock a bye baby..

Eyes
Donâ€™t fail on me now
Stay open, till the workday is done
Or at least up until one
I know you are tired
So am I, my pretty eyes of mine

Eyes
I promise tonight youâ€™ll rest well
No more Charmed past midnight
Iâ€™ll make sure your lids stays shut
I am sorry
For neglecting your well being
But worry not
For the weekend is near
And long resting hours will be here

*yawn*

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Lazy Updates

1) FLIGHT FIASCO

The flight on the â€˜now-everybody-can-flyâ€™ cheap, no-frills airline turned out to be one big adventure. An annoying one, that is. It started with me almost running from the office and wiggled my way through the jam-packed lrt..just to reach the KL CAT before Buster got there. (He made a big fuss of me being late leaving the office!)

Made it to KLIA just in time to join T for an early dinner in BK and took our not so slow walk to Gate A6. Only to find out it wasnâ€™t opened yet.. AND to find out that the aircraft that was supposed to transport us home wasnâ€™t even there yet by 1957 hrs (ETD: 2005 hrs). The plane arrived from a northern state 5 minutes after, and surprisingly they boarded us in no time. The two boys fell asleep as soon as the plane took off from the runway, and I decided to join them after like 15 minutes. I wasnâ€™t even into my stage of deep sleep yet when I heard â€˜Cabin crew, please get ready for landingâ€™. I looked outside and lo and behold, we landed! Buster was excited that our airport has expanded (hahaha) but being a frequent flyer home, I knew it was not MY airport. We were back in KLIA and were asked to return to Gate A6â€“ without explanation, without free Milo to compensate for our time, no nothing. All we heard (thanks to Tâ€™s eavesdropping expertise) was that there was a technical difficulty. After almost an hour of waiting, we boarded a different plane at 2200 hrs. Still no explanation given..still no Milo.

We found out later that one of the fans on the earlier plane was bent and did not function, and they didnâ€™t detect it since they were so in a hurry to take-off on time! At 2300 hrs, SM Airport never looked better.. even though we had to miss visiting Aboh that night.

I was glad though, that our flight back to KL was smooth sailing (flying?).

*Note to self: Try to drive home more often*

2) FATHERâ€™ S DAY

Abohâ€™s manipulation went well. It took him a while to come out of his drowsiness after the GA, but much better the day after. He told us he was fighting the effect of the anaesthetic and tried to keep awake even though the doctors tell him to just go to sleep. Poor Aboh, he was worried that if he keeps on sleeping, heâ€™d never wake up. And every little pain of cramps he had after the operation robbed him of a decent sleep. He kept thinking of the worse and couldnâ€™t sleep thinking of it. All of us took turns being with him at the ward to read his paper and to keep his mind off things. Latest news: He just got discharged after lunch yesterday, but need to go for daily physiotherapy at the hospital.

*I am still quite upset at a certain family member who decided a hunt was more important than visiting Aboh. Glad that T is growing up to be a responsible young man though. Such pride to see your annoying, bratty brother finally grew up.*

3) ANNOYING NSL

I applied for my leave. My leave was approved. I completed the needed tasks before I left on Friday. Cruella was totally in the know the reason I was taking Monday off. Putting all these together, one should not expect to be bothered with office work.

But no, NSL just wonâ€™t leave me alone. She called like 500 times before I board the plane, left 600 sms-es and asking me to e-mail some amendments to the report I submitted before I left. Is she for real, or just loves making our lives hell?! After the 601st sms, I just had to vent to EllyB. She said â€“ just switch off your phone, you are on leave after all. On Monday morning and evening (about 1930 hrs to boot!) she was still calling. I chose to ignore her totally.

I was still ignoring her when I stepped into the office. Gave her the amendments by 0900 hrs, which of course should have been the case in the first place. She went on telling me on how important the document was to Cruella, that she had to call me..eh, why you didnâ€™t answer my call huh? I just rolled my eyes and walked away. Since she was still yapping, I snapped and told her that my dad was being operated and I donâ€™t usually bring phones to the OT. That shut her up (for like..emmm..three seconds?) before she started harassing other people in the office. Sometimes I think in some sick ways she feels satisfied intimidating people and using Cruellaâ€™s name to get us to do things. Move her out already!

Urgh!

*On a lighter note, Iâ€™ll get to play tennis today and the whole week in July. Yay!*

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Butterfly Kisses

This song never fails to remind me of him. And today, my entry is about this man whom I love so dearly.

My dad, or lovingly known as Aboh has been the man of my life. Being the only daughter, I was often dubbed as daddy's little girl when I was younger. How I hated it then! And no, I didn't agree with that at all. Personally, I still think that T is his fave.

My first memory was of the hero who carried me in the house compound, right before I took my first 'outdoor' step in the walking chair. I don't remember most of what happened then, but the mental snapshot that is stuck in my memory box is of him grinning when I took my steps towards him.

Over the years I have had so many memories of him and with him.

My first car ride (and roller coaster ride!)..
Road trips back to the kampung..
The first time he pushed me on the bike minus training wheels..
The trips to his schools, and later offices..
His morning wave before his hour-long drive to Dungun..
The innumerable times he helped me with schoolwork (having a teacher as a dad had its perks!)..
Watching those football matches in the SNS Stadium (err..my brothers were into nerdy stuff that period of their lives)..
Him trying to stifle a laugh while pretending to look serious..

I remember beaming with pride whenever people stop us in the middle of the road just to thank him for being their teacher. At that time, I told myself I want to be exactly like him when I grow up. But as I got older, the world change and it was him who told me that being a teacher might not be as peachy keen as I see it. He and Mama wanted us siblings to do something else, be better than they were - profession wise. Although we are doing 'different; things now, till today I still believe what they do is so much better than any other jobs in the world.

Money-wise, both him and Mama had always taught us to save for a rainy day. It is no surprise that up to this day, Aboh still checks on our savings account in case we were ever short of funds. If he sees any of the accounts amounting less than a hundred, it will be doubled the next day. When I was studying, he presented me with my first subsidiary credit card..just in case. I still have it. Doesn't matter that I have my own cards now. 'You don't know when you'll need it' he says. I know they didn't earn much as teachers, but I cannot remember a time that we were ever lacking of anything. And even though I am the one putting funds into his account nowadays, he will always find a way to sneak 'ice cream' money into my purse or whenever he visits. I told T it is just plain embarrassing - Buster too is so against it. 'Taking money from a pensioner!' he'd scold me. But T said it makes Aboh feel happy that we accept it and fulfilled to know that his children will always have that extra 'in-case' money.

As the strongest man I see him as, I was devastated when Aboh was diagnosed with diabetics some years back. At first, I didn't see it as something THAT serious as many people I know have it too. However, during his stint at the Foundation he realised that he couldn't read the printouts anymore. He had to go very near to people in order to know who they were. He had difficulties driving, for he could not judge the distance nor stand the sunlight. After further tests, we found out that his diabetics had reached a higher level and as a result, effected the nerve which controlled his eyesight. When his contract ended, he decided not to renew it. I know it crushed him not being able to teach anymore, but he didn't want to have to pretend to people anymore. His eyesight became slightly worse after that, he could only read the highlights of the newspaper. The first time I had to read the NST to him, I cried. Apart from teaching, reading was his life..and being robbed of that is just, unfair. He also stopped driving. He still knows the roads like the back of his hands, but not being able to see the landmarks saddens him. It saddens all of us. Now he goes to a specialist in a nearby town every 2 months for check-ups and laser treatments.

And this Sunday morning, Aboh is going for a minor operation to 'fix' his frozen shoulder. The doctors call it 'manipulation'. Personally, I'd rather he visits those Chinese acupuncture and traditional massages to make it better. Even Mama though this would only be the last resort. He has been postponing it for quite a while, but decided to just go through with it. And we will support his decision. If all goes well, T and I could probably take him out for a Father's Day supper that night. We really hope so *fingers crossed*

He is still as cheerful as before though. And he still takes care of certain things for us in order for him to feel useful. He still pays T's phone bills, manage my car's monthly payment and the annual insurance/road tax thingy, writes Mama's speeches and reports (although he dictates and Mama writes 'em down!) Whenever we go home to visit him, you could see the excitement and happiness in his face. He'll get Mama to drive him to the market to get our favourite morning snacks, cleans our fish pond (in case Adik wants to see her Kura & Kuri swimming), stocks up on Vitagen (so that T has something to drink while watching late night shows) pick us up at the airport, even accompany us to buy PS2 games! It gives him joy to able to be the strong dad we depend on again. Not that we ever see him any less than that.

I love my dad to no end, and I really hope he knows that. And I know, nothing I do will ever amount to what he has given me all my life. I could only try to do anything possible to make sure he is happy and well.

Aboh, you are still my hero. And I will be your little girl for as long as you allow me to be..

Thursday, June 10, 2004

What a weekend it was..

Phew..what a busy two weeks it has been. I know I have been neglecting my poor, poor journal but I was hardly within one-mile radius from any internet. Well, maybe the cyber cafe at the hotel, but that doesn't count.

Anyway, Buster was in Japan for most of last week. That left me so totally alone in the manor. It was mostly work-go back-cook-eat-sleep. Even though Friday was an off day (and trust me, I had so many things planned), it felt like just another wasted day. I woke up late, hence cancelled the earlier plan of visiting Mummy Dah. I haven't been there for quite a while. I wanted to go just by myself instead with the whole family. I kinda miss her..it makes me wonder sometimes what sort of mother-in-law she would've been if she was still around *sigh*.

Since I didn't want my morning (or what's left of it) wasted, I dragged the kiddies for a visit to the optometrist, followed by a scrumptious breakfast of roti telur at Tiya's fave stall. It felt so refreshing listening about the world from the kids' perspectives. It makes you wonder when the innocence will start to fade away. They kept talking and talking, much to the dismay of a couple of I'm-too-cool-to-hang-out-with-kids-and-in-lotus young ladies next to our table! Tiya is very open with me on subjects like fashion, movies, her secret club, Akademi Fantasia (hahaha) and boys (yes, even at the tender age of 9!). I know sometimes BW feels left out when Tiya comes to me on these things, rather than her own mom. Jiji thinks it's because I am the youngest aunty and I don't look as 'adult' as the rest. I don't know about that but it does feel nice sometimes. We also took Socks to the vet for her annual de-worming jap. Good cat that one..didn't even meow-ed a bit. Mir tried his luck to get the attention of the kittens at the clinic..and yelped in fear when they tried to come near him. Sissy! The afternoon saw us making Father's Day cards before nap time. It was so heartwarming to see the kids painfully cutting out paper hearts and using stencils to make the writings 'nice'. At that time, I thought that their 'I love you Fader' card was even more beautiful than the Hallmark one I've gotten for Aboh.

I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening cooped in the apartment watching 2 seasons of SATC back to back. The only time I left the house was for dinner. NKN felt guilty for ditching me earlier in the evening, and made up for it with a wonderful Chinese dinner. I was left with Carrie, Sam, Miranda and Charlotte again after that till NKN came back with her overnight bag and cousin Noon in tow just before midnight.We slept at four, accompanying NKN putting beads on her kebaya. She does good work. I still can't believe the beautiful job she did on my wedding dress, just a few hours before the big day itself!

Saturday was a blur of activities of brunch with the girls, more DVDs, hair salons, and cooking dinner. Before I knew it, it was time to pick Buster up from the airport. Sunday was spent in the company of Harry Porter and the pasar malam folks. Buster was visited by his old injury, which made him jittery and left him in sweat the whole day long. But fear not, he is well and fine now..and to those helping hands, thank you very much. You know who you are.

A well spent weekend before another three blissful days away from the office..or at least so I thought.

That..is probably something I'll write on later..if I still feel like it

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

And the war continues..

I was getting ready or my afternoon nap when suddenly the Nosy Secretary Lady (NSL) made herself comfortable at my cubicle. Eventhough she could clearly see that I was already fluffing my pillow and taking off my shoes to have my slumber under the desk, she just didn't stop talking. At first it was the typical office gossip that didn't make much sense (maybe due to the fact that I was half asleep). Suddenly, in between me getting up to move to my sleeping area and her yacking, the unspoken war between Cruella and SEM came up.

This 'war' has been going on eversince I moved here. You hear Cruella saying this and that about SEM to almost everyone in the office, but never to his face. NSL often becomes the middle person to send 'indirect' messages to us, and to SEM sometimes (although I am not quite sure whether she actually likes the role). I can't understand why Cruella doesn't just have a chat with SEM especially since she was the one who brought him here in the first place. Today's piece of news is the worse one I've heard so far. Apparently, Cruella plans to fail SEM in his upcoming assessment under the pretext that he is not doing the assignment given to him in the first place. Gosh, it is like given a sentence even before he is proven guilty!

A senior of mine, who has been noticing the 'war' from below mentioned to me earlier that one of us here should at least prepare SEM for the worse. No, not to become the batu api or something but just to let him know what might be coming. Eleanora's husband thinks so too. After all, SEM is a fairly nice person, and I personally, like the way he works.

The question that comes to mind is that what will happen to us if Cruella finds out? I, for one, do not want to cross her path and get smacked right in the middle of the office politics. I have seen what happens to the people whom she feels crossed her in one way or another, and it is just not pretty. On the other hand - poor, poor SEM.

I don't know.

* Just got an sms from BW asking if I could take care of dinner tonight since she has an urgent meeting - just as I thought I get to be away from the house on Wednesdays, at least till the workshop ends..sigh*