Butterfly Kisses
This song never fails to remind me of him. And today, my entry is about this man whom I love so dearly.
My dad, or lovingly known as Aboh has been the man of my life. Being the only daughter, I was often dubbed as daddy's little girl when I was younger. How I hated it then! And no, I didn't agree with that at all. Personally, I still think that T is his fave.
My first memory was of the hero who carried me in the house compound, right before I took my first 'outdoor' step in the walking chair. I don't remember most of what happened then, but the mental snapshot that is stuck in my memory box is of him grinning when I took my steps towards him.
Over the years I have had so many memories of him and with him.
My first car ride (and roller coaster ride!)..
Road trips back to the kampung..
The first time he pushed me on the bike minus training wheels..
The trips to his schools, and later offices..
His morning wave before his hour-long drive to Dungun..
The innumerable times he helped me with schoolwork (having a teacher as a dad had its perks!)..
Watching those football matches in the SNS Stadium (err..my brothers were into nerdy stuff that period of their lives)..
Him trying to stifle a laugh while pretending to look serious..
I remember beaming with pride whenever people stop us in the middle of the road just to thank him for being their teacher. At that time, I told myself I want to be exactly like him when I grow up. But as I got older, the world change and it was him who told me that being a teacher might not be as peachy keen as I see it. He and Mama wanted us siblings to do something else, be better than they were - profession wise. Although we are doing 'different; things now, till today I still believe what they do is so much better than any other jobs in the world.
Money-wise, both him and Mama had always taught us to save for a rainy day. It is no surprise that up to this day, Aboh still checks on our savings account in case we were ever short of funds. If he sees any of the accounts amounting less than a hundred, it will be doubled the next day. When I was studying, he presented me with my first subsidiary credit card..just in case. I still have it. Doesn't matter that I have my own cards now. 'You don't know when you'll need it' he says. I know they didn't earn much as teachers, but I cannot remember a time that we were ever lacking of anything. And even though I am the one putting funds into his account nowadays, he will always find a way to sneak 'ice cream' money into my purse or whenever he visits. I told T it is just plain embarrassing - Buster too is so against it. 'Taking money from a pensioner!' he'd scold me. But T said it makes Aboh feel happy that we accept it and fulfilled to know that his children will always have that extra 'in-case' money.
As the strongest man I see him as, I was devastated when Aboh was diagnosed with diabetics some years back. At first, I didn't see it as something THAT serious as many people I know have it too. However, during his stint at the Foundation he realised that he couldn't read the printouts anymore. He had to go very near to people in order to know who they were. He had difficulties driving, for he could not judge the distance nor stand the sunlight. After further tests, we found out that his diabetics had reached a higher level and as a result, effected the nerve which controlled his eyesight. When his contract ended, he decided not to renew it. I know it crushed him not being able to teach anymore, but he didn't want to have to pretend to people anymore. His eyesight became slightly worse after that, he could only read the highlights of the newspaper. The first time I had to read the NST to him, I cried. Apart from teaching, reading was his life..and being robbed of that is just, unfair. He also stopped driving. He still knows the roads like the back of his hands, but not being able to see the landmarks saddens him. It saddens all of us. Now he goes to a specialist in a nearby town every 2 months for check-ups and laser treatments.
And this Sunday morning, Aboh is going for a minor operation to 'fix' his frozen shoulder. The doctors call it 'manipulation'. Personally, I'd rather he visits those Chinese acupuncture and traditional massages to make it better. Even Mama though this would only be the last resort. He has been postponing it for quite a while, but decided to just go through with it. And we will support his decision. If all goes well, T and I could probably take him out for a Father's Day supper that night. We really hope so *fingers crossed*
He is still as cheerful as before though. And he still takes care of certain things for us in order for him to feel useful. He still pays T's phone bills, manage my car's monthly payment and the annual insurance/road tax thingy, writes Mama's speeches and reports (although he dictates and Mama writes 'em down!) Whenever we go home to visit him, you could see the excitement and happiness in his face. He'll get Mama to drive him to the market to get our favourite morning snacks, cleans our fish pond (in case Adik wants to see her Kura & Kuri swimming), stocks up on Vitagen (so that T has something to drink while watching late night shows) pick us up at the airport, even accompany us to buy PS2 games! It gives him joy to able to be the strong dad we depend on again. Not that we ever see him any less than that.
I love my dad to no end, and I really hope he knows that. And I know, nothing I do will ever amount to what he has given me all my life. I could only try to do anything possible to make sure he is happy and well.
My dad, or lovingly known as Aboh has been the man of my life. Being the only daughter, I was often dubbed as daddy's little girl when I was younger. How I hated it then! And no, I didn't agree with that at all. Personally, I still think that T is his fave.
My first memory was of the hero who carried me in the house compound, right before I took my first 'outdoor' step in the walking chair. I don't remember most of what happened then, but the mental snapshot that is stuck in my memory box is of him grinning when I took my steps towards him.
Over the years I have had so many memories of him and with him.
My first car ride (and roller coaster ride!)..
Road trips back to the kampung..
The first time he pushed me on the bike minus training wheels..
The trips to his schools, and later offices..
His morning wave before his hour-long drive to Dungun..
The innumerable times he helped me with schoolwork (having a teacher as a dad had its perks!)..
Watching those football matches in the SNS Stadium (err..my brothers were into nerdy stuff that period of their lives)..
Him trying to stifle a laugh while pretending to look serious..
I remember beaming with pride whenever people stop us in the middle of the road just to thank him for being their teacher. At that time, I told myself I want to be exactly like him when I grow up. But as I got older, the world change and it was him who told me that being a teacher might not be as peachy keen as I see it. He and Mama wanted us siblings to do something else, be better than they were - profession wise. Although we are doing 'different; things now, till today I still believe what they do is so much better than any other jobs in the world.
Money-wise, both him and Mama had always taught us to save for a rainy day. It is no surprise that up to this day, Aboh still checks on our savings account in case we were ever short of funds. If he sees any of the accounts amounting less than a hundred, it will be doubled the next day. When I was studying, he presented me with my first subsidiary credit card..just in case. I still have it. Doesn't matter that I have my own cards now. 'You don't know when you'll need it' he says. I know they didn't earn much as teachers, but I cannot remember a time that we were ever lacking of anything. And even though I am the one putting funds into his account nowadays, he will always find a way to sneak 'ice cream' money into my purse or whenever he visits. I told T it is just plain embarrassing - Buster too is so against it. 'Taking money from a pensioner!' he'd scold me. But T said it makes Aboh feel happy that we accept it and fulfilled to know that his children will always have that extra 'in-case' money.
As the strongest man I see him as, I was devastated when Aboh was diagnosed with diabetics some years back. At first, I didn't see it as something THAT serious as many people I know have it too. However, during his stint at the Foundation he realised that he couldn't read the printouts anymore. He had to go very near to people in order to know who they were. He had difficulties driving, for he could not judge the distance nor stand the sunlight. After further tests, we found out that his diabetics had reached a higher level and as a result, effected the nerve which controlled his eyesight. When his contract ended, he decided not to renew it. I know it crushed him not being able to teach anymore, but he didn't want to have to pretend to people anymore. His eyesight became slightly worse after that, he could only read the highlights of the newspaper. The first time I had to read the NST to him, I cried. Apart from teaching, reading was his life..and being robbed of that is just, unfair. He also stopped driving. He still knows the roads like the back of his hands, but not being able to see the landmarks saddens him. It saddens all of us. Now he goes to a specialist in a nearby town every 2 months for check-ups and laser treatments.
And this Sunday morning, Aboh is going for a minor operation to 'fix' his frozen shoulder. The doctors call it 'manipulation'. Personally, I'd rather he visits those Chinese acupuncture and traditional massages to make it better. Even Mama though this would only be the last resort. He has been postponing it for quite a while, but decided to just go through with it. And we will support his decision. If all goes well, T and I could probably take him out for a Father's Day supper that night. We really hope so *fingers crossed*
He is still as cheerful as before though. And he still takes care of certain things for us in order for him to feel useful. He still pays T's phone bills, manage my car's monthly payment and the annual insurance/road tax thingy, writes Mama's speeches and reports (although he dictates and Mama writes 'em down!) Whenever we go home to visit him, you could see the excitement and happiness in his face. He'll get Mama to drive him to the market to get our favourite morning snacks, cleans our fish pond (in case Adik wants to see her Kura & Kuri swimming), stocks up on Vitagen (so that T has something to drink while watching late night shows) pick us up at the airport, even accompany us to buy PS2 games! It gives him joy to able to be the strong dad we depend on again. Not that we ever see him any less than that.
I love my dad to no end, and I really hope he knows that. And I know, nothing I do will ever amount to what he has given me all my life. I could only try to do anything possible to make sure he is happy and well.
Aboh, you are still my hero. And I will be your little girl for as long as you allow me to be..
posted by lion3ss | 3:54 PM
3 Comments:
I came across your blog and your latest entry had me in tears. I do hope your father knows what a great daughter he has. I hope he knows you love him dearly.
But you need to tell him. You are one lucky girl to have a father like that. I grew up with my mother, a single parent. I was barely a year old when he left us for another woman. The rest are cliche - mother had to work to support her 3 children. I'll never forgive him for leaving us. I'll never forgive the whore who split my family.
But that's my story.
Anonymous - yup, I guess should tell him. But he is not into all those mushy stuff. Hope my actions are enough.
Honey - *grin* The rewards of being the only girl kan?
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