A letter to you..
You are the reason why I am here in this world. You must know that I love you to no end. Although I may not show it often, trust me I do. I would even die for you. Which sane person would not?
We were very close. Although you might not be the first person I turn to, you would be the only person I know who would be around for me no matter what. Wherever I was, you were just a call away. In my time of need, you'd never fail to be there.
But lately, that closeness seems to fade away. One moment we joke, and the other, I'd cry my eyes out. Conversations are no longer fun. Sometimes I just feel like not picking up the phone when I see your number. You've had me in so many different emotions in just one call. I feel sad, I get angry, I get frustrated. And most of all, you had me miss the old me - the one who would laugh and get excited to receive a call from you.
And now, I guess I am mostly tired. Tired of fighting, tired of listening to your judgments and tired of going through this emotional roller coaster. You change your mood so easily. One second you say you understand, but the next you make me never want to go back. You say you miss me, but at the same time what you're doing is driving me away. You put up all the expectations, most of which I deliver. But you expect even much more, which I sometimes get the heat for not doing them right.
All these when the people who are responsible get away blame-free.
Oh, and to pick on him is not fair. He is what he is. Yes, I would love for him to change. Yes, there are times I wish he isn't so hard-headed to see that it is for his own good. And yes, there are times I too become upset with him refusing to listen and cry myself to sleep. But he is a good man, and I know even you can't deny it. Has he not performed his duties well? Has he not been taking care of me all these while? I will convince him of what he needs to do, but to say what you said hurts. I know you mean well, but the reason you gave just sounded ridiculous!
I do love you. I want you to know that my love for you has never changed. It hasn't moved elsewhere, nor have I replaced you with another. And I never will. But right now, I just need you to be the person I love again. And I will try my very best to at least fit into the perfect mould you always wanted me to be. And should the day never comes, I would still love you irregardless.
We were very close. Although you might not be the first person I turn to, you would be the only person I know who would be around for me no matter what. Wherever I was, you were just a call away. In my time of need, you'd never fail to be there.
But lately, that closeness seems to fade away. One moment we joke, and the other, I'd cry my eyes out. Conversations are no longer fun. Sometimes I just feel like not picking up the phone when I see your number. You've had me in so many different emotions in just one call. I feel sad, I get angry, I get frustrated. And most of all, you had me miss the old me - the one who would laugh and get excited to receive a call from you.
And now, I guess I am mostly tired. Tired of fighting, tired of listening to your judgments and tired of going through this emotional roller coaster. You change your mood so easily. One second you say you understand, but the next you make me never want to go back. You say you miss me, but at the same time what you're doing is driving me away. You put up all the expectations, most of which I deliver. But you expect even much more, which I sometimes get the heat for not doing them right.
All these when the people who are responsible get away blame-free.
Oh, and to pick on him is not fair. He is what he is. Yes, I would love for him to change. Yes, there are times I wish he isn't so hard-headed to see that it is for his own good. And yes, there are times I too become upset with him refusing to listen and cry myself to sleep. But he is a good man, and I know even you can't deny it. Has he not performed his duties well? Has he not been taking care of me all these while? I will convince him of what he needs to do, but to say what you said hurts. I know you mean well, but the reason you gave just sounded ridiculous!
I do love you. I want you to know that my love for you has never changed. It hasn't moved elsewhere, nor have I replaced you with another. And I never will. But right now, I just need you to be the person I love again. And I will try my very best to at least fit into the perfect mould you always wanted me to be. And should the day never comes, I would still love you irregardless.
posted by lion3ss | 5:39 PM
10 Comments:
beautiful prose lion3ss. simply beautiful.
can i give you *hugs*?
awwww...you sounded so sad.So difficult to be caught in between ye...
heyya Lion3ss... hang in there... remember that whatever it is, "this too shall pass"... hugzzzzz!!
*sipoh*
earth2ian : Thanks.
famygirl : Thanks dear, I needed that *hugs back*
Sexy Momma : Yup, it sucks to be caught in between.
Sipoh : Thanks *hugs back*
why don't we do a group hugs then?
*big hugs*
hang in there girl. hugs.
oh no dear, what's wrong??
i can't seem to catch any sadness radiating from you.. you must be very good at hiding it..
you are one strong, strong girl
hey, if you need someone to talk to, you know i'm here right?
take care, and hopefully things will be better soon :)
*love n hugs!!*
atiza, sooz & Leez : Thanks.
*double hugz* i know how u feel.. sometimes i feel like writing a lot of letters like that.. for things we want to let out but can't speak aloud...*sigh*
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