Baby Blues
I was reading Marina's entry on benchmarks, and am drawn to it like a moth to a fire. Especially the part of babies and the questions she got relating to it.
Buster and I will be married for 2 years this coming December. So questions like :
'When are you getting an addition to the family?'
'Ni bila nak ada isi ni? *while holding my tummy - ARGH!*'
'Ish, takkan takde apa apa kut?'
'Family planning eh?'
are the routine enquiry I get every single day. Some of the 'macam bagus' people even warned me that I might be cursed with not getting any kids AT ALL if I planned during my first year of marriage *rolls eyes*. Oooh, and don't even get me started on the various tricks and advise on how to conceive. I think I can even start a book!
I got endless hints from Mama dearest on how her juniors have grand kids, even those with kids who got married later than we did are already expecting. BW is giving me a hard time for not getting my ob/gyn to recommend something to regulate my menses. The only people in the family who are a little bit understand would be my sisters-in-law Jiji and IJ. And I guess it is only because Jiji took 4 years to get Honey and IJ is also not blessed with a child yet.
The thing is, it is not that we don't want any babies. I love kids, and Buster adores them too. During our first year, we both decided that it would not be even an option to have a kid since:
1) It was honeymoon! *Err,and still is I might add*
2) We were still adjusting to living as husband and wife. With some hiccups at the beginning of the marriage, having a baby would not be the best idea.
3) I wasn't ready with the idea of motherhood. I was actually scared s*itless!
4) We were still living at his Dad's place.
[We have moved since, and although we still spend half the week at Daddy's we at least have some time to ourselves at home..finally enjoying each other's company *without competing with nieces, nephew, sisters, brothers and even his dad (haha) for attention!*.]
5) I can't imagine the responsibility of having a human being who would be depending his/her life on you 100%.
Lately, I have been thinking again and again whether I am ready to take the step. And the questions are now asked by myself:
Am I ready to give up my couplehood freedom?
Am I really ready or am I giving in to other people's expectation?
Would I be a good mother, or would I not?
Will my patience with kids improve when it is my own child?
Would I be able to spend enough time with my child?
Who would look after him or her while I work?
Is Buster going to help out - getting up at night, cleaning up and so on?
And the most ridiculous one:
Would Buster love me less? (I know, I know, it's silly)
With Aboh and Mama not getting any younger, the best gift for them would be the grandchild they've been craving for. Buster too has been toying with the idea of starting a family, especially after looking at how happy EllyB is with Maryam, and how Honey has changed Jiji and Chulan. But right now, I am going to take it easy and pray for the best. If Allah feels that I am fit and ready, He then shall bless me with one.
And as I am told, no one is really READY before it happens. Insya Allah, when the time arrives..my questions will be answered, and my fears will be overcomed.
Buster and I will be married for 2 years this coming December. So questions like :
'When are you getting an addition to the family?'
'Ni bila nak ada isi ni? *while holding my tummy - ARGH!*'
'Ish, takkan takde apa apa kut?'
'Family planning eh?'
are the routine enquiry I get every single day. Some of the 'macam bagus' people even warned me that I might be cursed with not getting any kids AT ALL if I planned during my first year of marriage *rolls eyes*. Oooh, and don't even get me started on the various tricks and advise on how to conceive. I think I can even start a book!
I got endless hints from Mama dearest on how her juniors have grand kids, even those with kids who got married later than we did are already expecting. BW is giving me a hard time for not getting my ob/gyn to recommend something to regulate my menses. The only people in the family who are a little bit understand would be my sisters-in-law Jiji and IJ. And I guess it is only because Jiji took 4 years to get Honey and IJ is also not blessed with a child yet.
The thing is, it is not that we don't want any babies. I love kids, and Buster adores them too. During our first year, we both decided that it would not be even an option to have a kid since:
1) It was honeymoon! *Err,and still is I might add*
2) We were still adjusting to living as husband and wife. With some hiccups at the beginning of the marriage, having a baby would not be the best idea.
3) I wasn't ready with the idea of motherhood. I was actually scared s*itless!
4) We were still living at his Dad's place.
[We have moved since, and although we still spend half the week at Daddy's we at least have some time to ourselves at home..finally enjoying each other's company *without competing with nieces, nephew, sisters, brothers and even his dad (haha) for attention!*.]
5) I can't imagine the responsibility of having a human being who would be depending his/her life on you 100%.
Lately, I have been thinking again and again whether I am ready to take the step. And the questions are now asked by myself:
Am I ready to give up my couplehood freedom?
Am I really ready or am I giving in to other people's expectation?
Would I be a good mother, or would I not?
Will my patience with kids improve when it is my own child?
Would I be able to spend enough time with my child?
Who would look after him or her while I work?
Is Buster going to help out - getting up at night, cleaning up and so on?
And the most ridiculous one:
Would Buster love me less? (I know, I know, it's silly)
With Aboh and Mama not getting any younger, the best gift for them would be the grandchild they've been craving for. Buster too has been toying with the idea of starting a family, especially after looking at how happy EllyB is with Maryam, and how Honey has changed Jiji and Chulan. But right now, I am going to take it easy and pray for the best. If Allah feels that I am fit and ready, He then shall bless me with one.
And as I am told, no one is really READY before it happens. Insya Allah, when the time arrives..my questions will be answered, and my fears will be overcomed.
posted by lion3ss | 1:06 PM
18 Comments:
lion3ss,
Very interestiong thoughts and I must say, it all make perfect sense. Everyone else go/went through the same paradigm.
People will never stopped harassing you with all the kononnya concerns questions. With you will be, when is the baby coming and when come to me, bila Erja nak dapat adik lagi??? Aiyo... can't never satisfy them. And this will go round and round and round...
There is always first time for everyone and once you become a mother, there is no turning back. I hope I don't scare you here. The point that I want to make is, even though we (mothers) have to sacrifice our time, energy, sleeps and body (of course), we are doing it with PRIDE. There's nothing more rewarding than seeing your kid grow up in front of you. Honestly if you ask about Maryam, observe how EllyB's reaction. Kalau boleh nak share every single details about Maryam, kan.... ;-)
Do not worry too much whether you can be good mother, because you definitely will.
Do not worry too much whether you patience with kids improve, because you and others too will when it is your own
Do not worry too much whether you would be able to spend enough time with your kids, because you will make time for them.
Do not worry too much whether Buster will help out, because he definitely will.
And of course, Buster loves you even more after the baby...
Oh well, only my thoughts - a proud mommy to Erja
hmmmm....you worry too much la sis. "Worry actually is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere."
You know where I came from...and if if were to think about it, I do not deserve to have any kid. But I have 3 now and I evolved as a father, automatically.
In your case, you are gonna be just fine. You will make one good mommy.
One ulama once said, 'how you act on the bed will reflect on the kid produced'. So if you want an 'easy' to handle kid...then go easy laa. :)
-bro-
the real question that matters does not lie in readiness to be a mommy nor to handle the total package. when a person makes that jump onto the bandwagon of unions, having a baby then, is a given.
look back to the rightful, broader purpose of marriages. if a person makes that jump, the person must already be ready to take Everything that comes with it. Baby inclusive.
woweee! i inspired a post? really? well, for a newlywed like me, your reflections are a wee bit more consoling..glad to know i'm not the only one out there..
i know one will never ever be completely ready to embrace a new phase in life...and becoming a parent is immeasurably rewarding as so many have testified...
but i feel like telling people to please leave me alone 'in the meantime'..during that pause between becoming a wife and of course, as expected, when one moves on to the next level; the road to becoming a mother...yes, it's part of the package, but when people fling that package in your face, it can really hit a nerve...
*sigh*
jamie : Thanks so much for the encouragement. Erja is lucky to have you as her mommy.
Bro : Trust you to make it an idea to make fun of me. But those three have a great daddy, whether you fell you deserve it or not.
Anon : Thanks for the advice.
Marina : I guess everyone will go thru that phase. *hugs*
Just tell them to leave you alone. I did that during my first year! Hahaha.
Hie Lion3ss! Don't have too many questions in mind, sometimes it's easier to jump into a situation and deal with it when the time comes. I used to be scared just thinking of giving birth. When I did get pregnant, the feeling just went away. If you ask me now, I cannot describe how painful the birth was but I could still remember the joy; symbolising the love of hubby and I.
I've just completed fertility treatments to try for another child. Unfortunately, it has failed. I guess Allah has other plans for me and that at least,I'm blessed with one...
you should not be dictated by other people or perception when it comes to having a child. but, thinking and worrying a lot, would not help too (if you're trying to concieve)..
think simple and take it easy..
all puzzles will fit..
InsyaAllah
well, it is a big step that will change your life..but its wonderful!! I wish babies remain babies. and can cuddle them all the time!
My suggestion, have baby after 3rd year of marriage, if you are below 30.....
Must make sure partner knows what is expected of them during the pregnancy and after the pregnancy...... Afterall its first time for the both of you....
There are lots of books... and makcik makcik kepoci... if u need advice.... ermmm... I am pokcik kepoci...!!!!
Heheh..
I was standing by the kitchen sink over the weekend, thinking of your predicament, literally. What I thought of writing, then, has completely eluded me. My brain needs rewiring.
My experience to-date? Having a baby changes everything. You can't do anything just based on a whim and a fancy. Everything revolves around the little human being you carried around in your belly for nine months.
There will be a dramatic change to your lifestyle, but on hindsight, you'd be chanting to yourself, "Oh never mind, look what I have now, someone to talk to and coddle". (in my case lah - I don't want to sound like a pompous git)
Don't stress yourself out, queries and comments on when are you having a baby and why not now will always surface.
Good thing they don't ask how you're gonna be making the baby. If they do, you just go ahead and smack them across the forehead.
Chill. Know for a fact that regardless of what you say or do, you will never be able to satisfy those inquisitors.
;)
Sexy Momma : Thanks for sharing. Insya Allah SS will get a kid brother/sister one day. My sis-in-law went for so many different treatments for 4 years, and the last one brought Honey to her.
atiza : Thank you.
Kak Teh : I do believe you when you say it is a wonderful experience. It sure looks so in your case! And err..yes, I wish babies remain babies longer! *grin*
DG: Looks like we will reach our 3rd year before we have one kut.. *since it is already near our 2nd anniversary!*
Hahaha, DG the pokcik kepochi!
EllyB : Thanks so much for that. *hugs*
For someone who stated earlier that she won't have a kid for the nest few years, you amaze me everytime I see you with Maryam. And yes my friend, I shall remember the chant when my time comes, haha.
Err, and if you see anyone in the office with a slapmark on their forehead, you'd know why. *winks*
I've seen you with kids. I've seen you with your nieces n nephews.
YOu'll make a good mommy. Don't worry!
Hmmm... I thought I was the one who keeps thinking about this? And being miserable about it? I suppose now I ada gang lah ye.. Heheheh..
If people think you are good with other people's kids, insyaallah you'll be better with your own.
Kids do change your priorities, for a better or for worse, depending on what you want from life... and my-macam-bagus-2-cent-worth-of-advice, you create your own destiny and with kid(s) it definitely be more colourful (cause I know mine is). - A mummy blessed with 4-little-feet :)
i know the baby (tak kira lah bila he/she comes into you+Buster's lives) will be sooooo loved (and spoilt! hehehe)
Allah knows best.
Buster will always love you , no matter what!! :)
- McQuire -
tak per dear cousin,
tunggu saya kawin ek? biar anak kita pun same age like us.. hahaha!! nanti baru ader gang, tul tak?! :-)
Post a Comment
<< Home