Ramblings of the Heart - Part II
I had a dream last night, as I often do when my heart is unsettled or something is bothering me. In the dream, I remembered being depressed and crying in silence. Lil Cub asked me where everyone was, and why wasn’t he with the rest.
I am unsettled.
The other half asked me why I was so disturbed with what’s going on.
As much as I want to share..
... how could I tell him that I feel sidelined by his family?
How could I tell him that it bothers me that his father’s stand to end the cold war is NOT to take a stand at all?
How do I explain to him that often times, the in-laws make me feel this small and that any efforts whatsoever to be nice is like mencurah air ke daun keladi?
How could I make him understand that as much as I should count my lucky stars I don’t have to see the in-laws so often, I still want to be happy WHEN I see them?
Doesn’t he realise that I am closer to my friends rather than his own family?
And of course, coming from a small family myself, how could I make him see that I long for my son to be close to his cousins like I was when I was little?
I am just upset that everytime I thought I can let it go and live my life as it is, I am back at this weird place.
But yes, I believe this too shall pass. Oh God, give me strength.
I am unsettled.
The other half asked me why I was so disturbed with what’s going on.
As much as I want to share..
... how could I tell him that I feel sidelined by his family?
How could I tell him that it bothers me that his father’s stand to end the cold war is NOT to take a stand at all?
How do I explain to him that often times, the in-laws make me feel this small and that any efforts whatsoever to be nice is like mencurah air ke daun keladi?
How could I make him understand that as much as I should count my lucky stars I don’t have to see the in-laws so often, I still want to be happy WHEN I see them?
Doesn’t he realise that I am closer to my friends rather than his own family?
And of course, coming from a small family myself, how could I make him see that I long for my son to be close to his cousins like I was when I was little?
I am just upset that everytime I thought I can let it go and live my life as it is, I am back at this weird place.
But yes, I believe this too shall pass. Oh God, give me strength.
Labels: ramblings
posted by lion3ss | 10:59 AM
5 Comments:
Hang in there. He loves you a lot. You will go thru this. And those gentlemen in your family will be your strength!
We just cant have it all, can we?
Just tell him lah, exactly like you wrote here.
I'm sure he loves you enough to understand, or at least symphatize.
In the mean time, doa banyak2..
(I wonder if can use doa pengasih for family members?)
*hugs*
Irregularities : Thanks.
DG : I guess we can't.
elisa: Thanks *hugs back*. He knows, but I guess he is pulled into two directions as well.
Hello Lioness, do not be so sad, and update your blog!
Selamat berpuasa dan berbuka.
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