Random Thoughts of a Lioness

A new home to call our own

2010-08-12T11:12:00.006+08:00

After 7 years of living in that cute little apartment of mine, we left the place with all its memories (both good and not-so-good ones) and re-start our lives in a new place we call home.

We started out looking for a place about 2 years ago, when Lil Cub started running around the apartment and knocked into things (yes, our old place was REALLY penuh!). And Buster, as the 'provider', believes that he needs to buy the family a house, instead of continue living in an apartment under my name (male ego I tell you!).

So the house hunting began. We went around, from within our SD vicinity up to Shah Alam 2. We had so many we liked, but other factors played a role - distance, convenience etc. We almost finalised a sale for a semi-D in Paya Jaras (hahaha, don't ask me why) but had buyers' remorse a day after and begged them for our 5k back (which they did return nicely). Finally it boiled down to 2 houses - one the one I liked, another the one Buster loved.

Fast forward a month later, we finalised the purchase of Buster's dream house. But boy oh boy, lots had to be done. The place is about 20yrs old, and everything looked...well..20yrs old. But it was near everything - a mosque 200m metres away, walking distance to schools, various food places, and 10 mins drive to a few shopping malls. But we did not have the finances at the time so everything was put on hold.

The moment I was preggers with Cub Adik, I begged Buster to rejuvenate our OPeration Rumah Baru. I went to see an architect friend of mine and got him to assist with our reno. We loved his designs, and he said he may get to finish the place by the time I deliver. Which was perfect la kan? But when we got his qoutes, it was really high and whenever we called him to re-discuss the plan, he was never available.

We then turned our old trusty contractor, Jack. The reno took longer than we expected, butgiven the fact that we are paying him in looong instalments and all, it didn't matter. He kept to his words though, we moved in before puasa 2010.

16th July marked the day we 'officially' moved in and slept in this house WE bought. Together. The next day our families came to 'warm' the house. It felt surreal to be in our new place!

It has been almost a month now. The house is still filled with boxes and looks rather bare, but we will take our time.

Here's to creating new memories...

Today, 10 months ago

2010-06-28T22:31:00.000+08:00

Since I have been slacking (to put it mildly!) on expressing my thoughts here...thought I'd start with what happened since I left off.

After the whole drama with the H1N1 scare, I completed my course of Tamiflu and alhamdulillah, Lil Cub #2 (from now on let's call him Cub Adik) did not decide to see the world during that time. But he didn't decide to come out after that either. After daily calls to my gynea, we decided on a date - 28th August 2010 to induce him should he doesn't come out. We kinda chose the date cos it wud be exactly 3 years, 2 weeks apart from Lil Cub.

I was sooooooo super sensitive waiting for the date. Mama was getting restless of being cooped up in the house kept asking when I'd deliver and why can't I deliver 'normally'. Eventhough deep inside I knew she meant well and was worried about me, I can't help but cried and hated the questions! that plus the frequent sms-es from all over asking why haven't I popped. Trust me, being over a week overdue with no signs whatsoever can get to you BIG time...hahaha.

So, when 28th came (and NO, Cub Adik showed no signs of coming out even then!) we woke up for sahur, and sent Lil Cub and Mama to Abang's place before we registered ourselves at the hospital. It was about 6:30 am, and the moment I stepped into the labour room to be induced, there was a loud howl from the room next door. She actually screamed!! Only then that I realised that I am giving birth..again! I can't really remember the actual birth pain of Lil Cub as I was totally numb waist down (thanks to epidural!) during then. I was quite open to the option again this time around but decided to try my best not to.

4 hours had passed and although I dilated well and had very regular (not to mention painful) contractions, Cub Adik has his own mind. He refused to come down and maintain still high in the canal. The gynea came and went every hour, nothing changed. By then, the pain has become excruciatingly bad that I agreed to get pain relief - only not too much as to be able the sensation once I needed to push.

The midwives and nurses are convinced we'd be able to deliver by noon, as I was already like 8cm dilated by 11. Abang dropped Mama on the way to Solat Jumaat to be able to witness yet another birth of her grandson. Another 2 hours passed and no, he still is enjoying his stay in the tummy although I was fully dilated. By 2pm, the gynea came and said - That's it! Looks like Adik needs a little coercion to get out. At the end, at 2.57pm, with a couple of strong pushes and the help of the forceps, Cub Adik came out screaming - obviously hated the idea of being forced out of his comfort zone..hahaha. A bouncing 3.6kg bundle of joy entered our life. Even from then we knew he would be a strong one, with the mind of his own.

Lil Cub came a visiting later that night...cuddling with Cub Adik and a very tired Mummy on that small bed. It'll be an adventure having 2 (oops, I mean 3, haha) boys at home, but I couldn't be happier.

I love you boys!

Has it been that long?

2010-06-28T00:03:00.002+08:00

Ohmigod, the last time I updated was when Lil Cub #2 not even out yet? THAT long?

A lot has happened since...and will definitely be back to spill it all.

He's not ready to check out from Hotel Lioness

2009-08-20T21:23:00.003+08:00

So yeah, the EDD has come and gone, but Adik is still chilling. He hasn't given me any signs whatsoever that he is coming out..not even a drop of 'show'.

Tuesday saw me and Buster running to the clinic after my temp ran up to 38.4 that dawn. The gynea sent us straight to the A&E to get me tested for Influenza A and tracing of the baby. After a throat swab and 1/2 hr of scanning Adik's heartbeat and contractions, we went back for the results. I was positive *sigh*. The kind doctor gave me Tamiflu for 5 days and loads of panadols, and was told to self quarantine at home. The gynea called soon after and she felt that I shud be warded, but the beds were full. We went for second opnion at the new posh hospital, but they had the same idea as the A&E doc - I shud be home instead to minimise any possibility of catching more serious viruses if I am put with other confirmed H1N1 cases.

So here I am, day 3 of Tamiflu and quarantine. And going nuts of not going anywhere, and everyday looking for signs for Adik to come out. The gynea hopes he won't make a decision to come out till I finish my course on Saturday morning. Maybe she knows best, but right now, I leave it to the AlMighty. If he decides to come out earlier than Saturday, so be it cos Allah knws best.

Just let's pray for the best...insya Allah.

Wishing for a good night's rest

2009-08-10T01:11:00.002+08:00

It is past 1 am and just finished updating my handover notes for my colleague, as I am hoping to be off work by Tuesday. I still have another assignment to submit before Adik pops out, but hopefully I cant get that done from home.

Anyway, haven't been getting good sleep lately actually. (Well, what does one expect once you are as big as a whale kan?) Been turning and tossing in bed most nights with sounds of the two boys snoring. When I finally fall into that deep state of sleep, my bladder will wake me up and signal that it is time to visit the loo again. *sigh* And the books and articles keep telling you to sleep, sleep, sleep now as once the baby comes, well, you won't get any.

Packed the hospital bag and realised I still have a few things to get before the big day. Hopefully the week off will be kind and I get to sort everything out. That plus planning for Lil Cub's birthday party. So wish me luck!

Better TRY to get some shuteye. Good night.

It won't be long from now on,I hope!

2009-08-02T15:12:00.002+08:00

This not-so-little Lion3ss is now 37 weeks along, with a huge (and I really do mean humongous!) belly and slightly swollen feet. Not as bad as the first pregnancy, but this time around I am generally bigger looking (I started bigger anyways, haha) and my heels are killing me even from the 3rd month. Put on a good 11 kgs so far, not even half of what Lil Cub made me pile up, hehe, but I feel heavier than 10 sacks of potatoes and bigger than Khir Toyo's mansion!

Went for our now weekly check-ups last week, and found out that Adik has decided not to move into position yet. What worries me more is the fact he decided to turn into an oblique position, where his head is under my right rib. By this time with the brother, he was even ready in the canal (although he decided to come out MUUUUUUCH later!). I know that every baby and every pregnancy is different, but it doesn't make it feel any less worrying. Please join me in praying that Adik will turn in time.

Oh, we have a few names lined up for him actually, but the brother is really focused on one. We like the name too, but Buster and I can't really agree on the spelling. Sometimes I feel like smaking him on the head and say, "Hey, I am the one carrying him for nine months so PLEASE give me some leeway here!" By the way honey, if you are reading this, I am adamant on the 2nd choice for our next child (if it happens to be another boy, and IF we ever decided to have another one!).

My parents are not so keen on it though, cos it reminds them of something else. But as far we are concerned, as long as the meaning is good, and we love it, they just need to learn to live with it...hehehe.

Work is NOT slowing down, but I have completed my handover notes to be passed to the colleague while I am gone. I have planned to be off work like 1-2 weeks before the EDD, but I am still in the office *rolls eyes*. Feel slightly guilty of leaving, especially when my fave boss won't be there once I come back from my maternity leave. It is not very often that you have a great boss, someone you get along so so well with. I guess it is only fair as it will be a new area for her, but I wished she would stay longer.

Oh, on another note - my house looks like it has been hit by a tornado (again!). Baby clothes are everywhere in between my exam notes (which is gonna be esok and I am supposed to be studying right now), and it just hit me that I have not completed packing for the hospital yet. *So maybe it is a good thing that Adik is not early!* Hope to call those hourly maids once I am on leave to help out with the 'organising'. The cot and crib need dusting, Lil Cub's toys need to be sorted out and kept, and don't get me started on the kitchen cabinets. There are so many things that need to be thrown out.

A little bit of updates before I am off to go study again:

T and Widdy is blessed with a beautiful baby girl on 1st July 2009, giving Mama and Aboh their 3rd grandchild. She did it without any pain relievers (oh how I salute her!)

EllyB is expecting her second, EDD January.

Emm and family have moved Down Under, leaving EllyB and I one less friend, and we don't have that many to start off with. I miss her terribly.

Cuz Tush is also expecting, after 3 years of marriage. Am so so happy for her.

The office has banned Blogger, hence the very long in -between updates. Hopefully once I am on leave will be able to update this more often so that you 3 readers (or is it 2 now) have something to talk about the next time I see you guys. Hahaha.

Oh, that guilty feeling!

2009-06-15T16:28:00.005+08:00

It is already June, and the Lioness (who is currently as big as a house) is now 30 weeks preggers. This second time around is somehow relatively easier than the first one..or at least I think. But due to age (gasp!) and lesser agility, I tire more easily.

In a way, I am feeling VERY guilty towards Lil Cub #2 (let's call him Adik for the time being). I feel that I am not being fair to Adik for a number of reasons:

1) I don't take care of myself as good as I did when I was with Lil Cub.
> I do not really look after what I eat, where I eat or when I eat. Gone are the days of my 'wajib' fish meals and daily dates.
> I do not exercise religiously. Apart from the weekly fit ball class, I don't even take the extra effort to walk in the park anymore.

2) I don't put in as much effort to equip Adik with enough spiritual supplements too. It is already the 3rd trimester and I haven;t even completed my rounds of regular surahs I used to recite monthly with Lil Cub.

3) I often get so worked up or upset with the people are work that I am almost certain that Adik is gonna be one garang fella!

4) I don't talk to Adik as often as I used to with the brother. Sometimes I feel like that I am putting too much time to ensure that Lil Cub doesn't feel sidelined with the pregnancy, I am spending even more time with him rather than taking my quiet time with Adik.

5) We even haven't finalised his name!!

I also feel that Buster is taking this pregnancy rather lightly and for granted. He puts only hald the effort (if it is even THAT much) of his previous efforts and time for Adik. I don't think he is all that excited to feel Adik moving or reading to him like he used to with Lil Cub. Maybe because he thinks I am tough enough this time around? Or is it because the novelty of it all has worn off? Sometimes I wonder if he is a at all disappointed that Adik isn't gonna be Daddy's girl? Of course it'll be so ideal to get a pair of cubs, especially when this Lioness LOVES to shop for pretty girly stuff. I mean those skirts and riboons, and cute blings. Don't even start to mention those cute shoes!! Oh, but I digress.

Okay, maybe I am overeacting on this. GLAM mom says it is perfectly normal to take the 2nd pregnancy easier and with less anticipation than the first. But is it fair for Adik?

Baby dearie, please know that Ibu loves you equally, even if I don't show it. I am a second child too, and although I have always regarded myself as independant and not the fave, I wanot you to know that you will NEVER be any less important that your abang. Iwill try my best to buck up this final few months, and I can't wait to see you in August!

Has it been that long?

2009-06-01T15:36:00.003+08:00

OHMIGOD.

It has been 3 months since I was last here.

Shows how busy I am or how malas. You choose.

Weekend Update

2009-02-22T20:35:00.002+08:00

Ok, maybe not as busy as most weekends...but managed to get loads done. We've been procastinating so many things lately that weekends normally goes down the drain with many things not ticked off the list.

Managed to squeeze an hour to see that grandaunty in the nursing home. Although it is a private facility, it is still kinda sad looking at her living there nonetheless. The moment we stepped in the home, we were greeted by four old man on their bed, two of which had tubes up their noses. Same scenario when we entered the next hall. Dear old Tok had her own room, which she shared with another lady, so it wasnt too bad. But still...

finally got our initial drawing for the house, and absolutely loving it! WAF and wifey are so so so creative! The problem now is can we really afford it, or it shall remain as my dream house on paper. Oh please please let me have that gorgeous master bedroom they showed us.

Lil Cub saw both sides of cousins this weekend and had the time of his life. He is now asleep due to the very busy schedule he had, running at the mall @ lunchtime and swimming in the bathtub with Ira @ tea time! *Explains why Ibu is blogging*

On the downside, our beloved cat Alya passed away in her sleep last night due to feline luekemia. Buster thinks I should stop having cats for a while since I take each passing too emotionally and it can't be good for the baby, would it? Aboo is now at the vet's for tests and am just praying that he is well.

Oh yeah, baby. well, God answered our prayers and again, we are blessed with His rezeki. God willing, another cub will join the family insya allah in August. But that another story for another time.

Have a good week ahead peple!

The Prayer

2009-02-11T17:51:00.003+08:00

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Bridge Over Troubled Water - Russel Watson

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Pieces of Me - Ashlee Simpson

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Whenever, Wherever - Shakira

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Lagenda - Sheila Majid

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Back At One - Brian McKnight

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU
Like A Virgin - Madonna
*Yeah right - roll your eyes guys!*

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Andai Kau Mengerti - Vince

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
My First, My Last, My Everything - Barry White

WHAT IS 2+2?
The Tokyo Drift - Teriyaki Boys

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Family Affairs - Mary J Blige

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Listen - Beyonce

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Sway - Pussycat Dolls

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Dreams Can Come True - Gabrielle

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Walking Away - Craig David
*seriously??*

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU
How Come, How Long - Babyface

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Lady Marmalade - Christina, Maya & the Gang

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
What I've Done - Linkin Park
*hahahahaha*

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Big Girls Dont Cry

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
You Remind Me - Usher

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Open Arms - Mariah Carey

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Have You Ever - S Club 7

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Corazon Espinado - Santana

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Searching My Soul - Vonda Sheperd

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
The Tide is High - Atomic Kitten

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
It's Too Late - Carole King

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
In Da Club - 50 cents

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Kiss Me -Sixpence None The Richer

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Diari Seorang Lelaki - Pretty Ugly

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
The Prayer - Josh Groban

OKlah I won't really tag anyone - but try it. It's really silly and fun!

Farewell Tic Tac

2009-02-10T09:57:00.004+08:00

So long, farewell, it's time to say good bye..

I got Tic Tac from Mama & Aboh as a gift/loan/responsibility when I first started working in KL back in 2001. At first, I was content with taking the STAR - PUTRA link every day to work. But after I kept coming back later and later at night, they got a bit paranoid and decided that it was safer for their daughter to drive.

I was so excited when Aboh brought over the cute little green car from Terengganu. It was the nicest looking ride I had ever seen (maybe because I never owned one!). It was the special edition 1.5A Iswara Aeroback, complete with cruise control and all. Hehe, jakun me took it everywhere for rides, except to work (which defeated the original purpose!). At the time, a group of guy friends who lived in the same apartment got their cars well, so I often got free rides from them.

I took really good care of Tic Tac, making sure he was serviced on time, cleaned often, the works. He went to everywhere with me. When I felt like I needed some time off the city, he'd make sure I arrive in good ol Tranung or for a beach retreat in PD. When I need to fetch T from Soh Alang, Tic Tac would make sure we arrive back home safe and sound.

When I got married, Buster surprised Tic Tac with a free makeover. Buster thought he could do with a more 'masculine' touch (although it made his wife becoming the target of mat rempits cat calls). Tic Tac never looked better, with his new lights and skirtings all around. I was even more proud of bringing him all around town!

Fast forward a few years later, Lil Cub joined the pack. He fitted so snugly at the back of Tic Tac with his car seat. Tic Tac was getting slightly older, hence the squeaks here and there. Lil Cub called Ibu's car 'grek grek' in opposite of Daddy's 'vrrom vroom' car! Buster disallowed me from driving back to Terengganu with Tic Tac any longer, although T would sometimes. Until one day, he broke down right after the LPT. With more than a grand spent and a whole day of T and his friends waiting somewhere in Gambang, Tic Tac was brought back in one piece. But that was the end of his KT - KL trips.

Late last year, Buster and I decided to change to a slightly bigger car. Not la an MPV but prolly something with a bigger boot space and more reliable for my outstation travels. We pre-booked the new City, which bought us enough time to reconsider should we changed our minds. I think Tic Tac heard the whole deal and merajuk-ed. I met with an accident just a week after booking the new car. His front was smashed. I felt so guilty! It took 3 weeks for him to be perfected, but the nice people at the workshop also helped us to touched him up at the places where he looked a bit 'grey'. Tic Tac looked brand new again!!

But when the new model was launched, Buster decided to go ahead and get it. Meant that I have to either return Tic Tac to Mama & Aboh or sell him off. Sedih gok mikir. Called the parents and they said eventhough the car is fully paid for and everything, they wouldn't know what to do with 2 cars. They told me to trade Tic Tac in.

The moment came when the new car arrived. I so wanted to transfer Tic Tac's number to the new car, but then again, to think of it, he will never be Tic Tac. We got a new registration, and asked around for the best deals for Tic Tac. The dealers only wanted a ciput price for him, and I couldn't bring myself to let him go or do that to his dignity. Thank goodness for marvellous girlfriends and their cousins, I managed to clinch a good deal for Tic Tac. The night Boy came to take Tic Tac away, I had tears in my eyes seeing him go. All the memories - good ones and not so good ones drove away with him. Lil Cub still doesn't understand why we had to say goodbye to Tic Tac, and until today is still asking when Uncle Boy is bringing him back.

As of last weekend, Tic Tac found a new home in Jalan Kuching. From the way the owner spoke, I am quite confident that he'll be in good hands.

All I need is a miracle...and a magic mop?

2009-02-01T10:00:00.002+08:00

The house looks like it has been hit by a tornado! OK, it is also entirely my fault cos I have not been diligent enough to clean it, but seriously it does look like a tongkang pecah!

Unfolded laundry piles up in the living room sofa, Lil Cub's toys scattered here and there (no matter how many times we keep it), bills and letters on the dining table, our luggage from the trip back to Terengganu last week still unpacked...among thousand others. And for the past week, I have been super tired (and malas) and NOT in the mood of cleaning up. It is THAT bad that I am even shy to call the cleaning lady to come and bear witness to my laziness!

The downside of that is : I HATE coming back because of the mess and get really cranky! I get on Buster's case for not helping out although he works till midnight everyday. I chase Lil Cub to keep his cars eventhough he is still playing with them, and keep throwing things out cos I hate seeing them making the house looks cluttered! Which in a way, is a good thing cos I realise I have more junk than I thought..hahhaah.

Well, I am adamant to at least get the living room looks like it supposed to this weekend. Wish me luck. Next week it is the guest room...and that's another story for another day.

A Mother's Woe

2009-01-10T10:15:00.005+08:00

I am disturbed.

I am deeply disturbed with children who can't find it in their hearts to care for their aging parents. To see them as a burden, both financially and physically.

I find it disturbing that some even go through the motion of using religion as a basis of relinquishing the responsibilities (and the humanity) of making the last few years of a parent comfortable.

And it disturbs me even more that it happens in my family *sigh*

So can anyone tell me, is it acceptable for a daughter (albeit not by 'blood') to pass her mom around (who according to the doctors, just living out her remaining months) to cousins and nursing homes because:

1) The cousins are 'darah daging' hence more responsible to take care of her.

2) She doesn't have the finances to take care of her anymore (although she just got herself a new house and a brand new car for her child).

3) The only way she can take her back is if there's a maid. And until now, there is no serious efforts to get a maid (cos using the registered agents is too expensive).

4) And get this - since the mom had a few times mentioned that some of the harta should also go to the 'blood relations', she doesn't think it is WORTH IT to dedicate her full time looking after her.

I don't know. Maybe I am feeling overemotional here. But as a daughter (and a mom), I pray to Allah that this will never happen to me. Nau'zubillah.

And to Mama, I love you.

There must be more to life than this...

2008-11-24T09:03:00.000+08:00

OK..this might be a total mess of pure whining, but bear with me ok?

Going back after the sun sets, and seeing your loved ones just an hour before bedtime.

Having on-the-go dinners, and sleeping at the wee hours of the morning.

Looking forward for weekends, but do not get to even have some quality 'me' time due to planned & unplanned activities.

And to go through the vicious cycle again come Monday...*sigh*

As much as love my job right now, sometimes I just feel like taking some timee off and reflect on my life. If it is going to be like this, I wonder if it's really worth it. Travelling is less lately, but only because it is nearly the end of the year. Looking at the activities lined up for next year, looks like I'll be frequenting KLIA again.

Poor Lil Cub has been having his dinner at the school the past 1 week. Everytime Buster picks me up from work with him in the back seat I feel like crying. Will he hate me one day for this? Will he love me less? Will he love the teachers more? Will he send me to 'old-folks-nursery' when I am old and grey?

I am not the only one who is going thru this. Buster will be on 'high-speed-long-hours' mode until March due to their 50th anniversary celebrations. Emm went thru 3 weeks of leaving Little Sprog at the nursery till 9 everyday. But even knowing that, it really doesn't make it any easier on me.

Surely, there must be more to life than this, right? Or isn't there?

I wish...

2008-11-18T19:26:00.001+08:00

...I could be on a 7-week holiday too!

Al Fatihah

2008-11-12T01:09:00.003+08:00

Came back from my holidays with a phone call from Jaycee - our dearest friend passed away in a car accident back in Tawau, just a day after her engagement.

Which brings to mind how a split second can change everything.

And that the Almighty has promised us that ajal maut is all in His hands.

It made me think how I may regret so many opportunities lost spending time with my loved ones should anything like this ever happen again.

And how I often opt to finish my work than taking time out to smile and laugh with them.

Her passing was hard on many of us in the office, especially those who are close to her. How we shall miss her smile, and easy going nature. How I will no longer able to just pick up the phone and bombard her with stupid questions that only she would entertain. And not to hear her voice and that laugh again.

Rest in peace, Hasnih. Semoga Allah menempatkan beliau di kalangan mereka yang beriman.

Has it really been ten years?

2008-10-06T12:30:00.001+08:00

Who would imagine ten years back that we would have made it this far?

Today, in 1998, Buster and I became an item. Fast forward ten years, here we are, with Lil Cub in tow.

It hasn't been all roses and peaches all the way, but the journey has been one I wouldn't want to trade with anything.

"A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses." - Anonymous -

raya wishes

2008-10-06T11:25:00.003+08:00

Yes yes, it is already the 6th of Syawal, for those in good ol' tranung, some are getting ready for Raya Nang.

But I guess it is not too late to wish everyone (that's about 3 people who read this blog)

SELAMAT HARI RAYA, MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN

Love from Lion3ss, Buster & Lil Cub

Free of Chains (at least two of them!)

2008-09-25T14:28:00.002+08:00

I didn't know it feels so liberating having your credit cards cut in front of you!

Although I may not be able to get the bling I was planning to with the money, at least I am debt free from those two eeeevil cards!

One more to go - target Oct 09.

Yay for Lioness!

Playing Nurse

2008-09-25T00:38:00.002+08:00

I was in the office when the school called at about 1:30 pm:

"Mdm Lioness, I think Lil Cub might have caught it. We found spots on his palms"

The bosses made me stay another 2 hours before I was let off to pick him up. Brought him straight to the doctor. Since we couldn't get hold of dearest Dr Han, we headed to Tmn Tun. And just my luck, the clinic was full and we were made to wait about an hour. At about 6:45, we were told that they'll be closing for an hour and for us to come back about 7:30! Thank goodness Buster was already home and checked out Dr Han's clinic. It was opened and we got to be the first ones after buka. And of course, the Mdm Principal kept calling to know what he was having.

Looking at how active he was, I wouldn't think Lil Cub was sick at all. But his constant complaining of 'balls'in his mouth were a little concerning. And his normally HUGE appetite was missing. Like glamum, I thought he was just teething.

It was our turn, and by just listening to my explanation, the nice doctor was 99% sure that he caught the bug. A peek into the mouth and checking his palms, our worse fears were realised.

"The good thing about it is he won't feel any extreme pain, there is no medication and it'll go off in a week. But the downside is, he has to be quarantined from other kids ALSO for a week, drink plenty of fluids and in a few days, his ulcers may cause him a little bit of pain."

Called the principal with the updates, as well as the cousins he was in touch with over the weekend. Just in case. The thing about this HFMD is that it only take 2 days to spread.

So, Buster took the day off yesterday . Today and tomorrow this Ibu will play nurse to the Little Cub. Although the doctor gave us some Or@l A1d for his ulcers and some anti-inflammatory gel, it still breaks my heart to see him flinching everytime he swallows.

The school is closed now. Mdm Principal do not want the disease to spread to more kids, it being near raya and all.I guess Lil Cub was the deciding factor after the 3 earlier cases. Was told that another 2 got it the same day as him.

Well, let's just pray he'll get well just in time for Raya. Otherwise, it'll be impossible to explain to the little fella why he can't play with any of his cousins.

To glamum - I don't think it was Little A who spread it.
To girlcrush - insya Allah little sprog is safe with his Nana at home.

So, tell me if she was wrong to get a bit angry

2008-09-15T15:26:00.002+08:00

She got off work early. Excited to able to reach home before the sun goes down, she rushed thru the ramadhan traffic and got all the food ready for iftar..including the MILO ice blended she tried making the first time. Even the baby's dinner was cooked early.

She waited eagerly for the loved one to come home. He walked in right just in time the azan was heard. He sat down, took a sip and switched on his phone.

And called a girl.

Who called him earlier on behalf of a friend. Oops, no.. who called HIS FRIEND earlier on behalf of HER friend.

Because HIS friend dumped HER friend.

And he needed to explain to her why HIS friend dumped HER friend.

And calls for dinner were returned with stares, because he was on the phone.

She went quiet, and fed the baby. After his call, he actually had the heart to ask her why she was unhappy. When she told him, she was seen as the unreasonable one.

So tell me, was she wrong to be angry?

Catching up

2008-09-04T09:17:00.005+08:00

So yeah, I haven't been in here for like ages! Almost 6 months to be exact. A lot (and I mean A LOT) has happened since, like:

My best friend is now a mom.
Another is contemplating to be one again by taking off her Impl@n0n.
I am now working in a public listed subsidiary.
We bought a 20-year-old house nearer to the city.
Buster is now 30-something and got a whole new set of workclothes.
And my Lil Cub turned 2!

It was only like yesterday since he was born. Now he is talking non stop, running here and there and becoming more and more cheeky by the day.

My only concern now is that my new job requires me to travel every other week. Not long, at most for 2 to 3 days, but away from home still. Everytime I leave, Lil Cub gets depressed and less active (according to his dad). This also heightens his clingy-ness and separation anxiety. Lately, I can't even go outside for 5 mins without him looking for me. Buster finds this disturbing, so does his sister. I have been googling and reading up on toddlers separation anxiety, and found out that it is normal for kids his age (apparently it peaks between 18 - 30 months). It is suppose to go off when they are three. But till then? Sometimes I wonder if I am a good mom, making him go thru this. These are the times I wish I am a SAHM!

Until I find a solution, I guess I have to bear with it. *sigh*

T becomes a hubby

2008-03-21T15:54:00.003+08:00

Seems it was like yesterday when I first held him on my lap (and yeah, I have a picture of it too!). I can still remember him as a toddler riding at the back of my tandem bike, his first day at kindy (where I had to accompany him for 2 weeks!), and the weekends he was over my apartment during his college days. How time flies...

Last week, on National Election Day, my little brother got married. He woke me up by joining Lil Cub and me on the bed, and telling me it was his big day that day. And indeed it was, for he was starting a new life with his beloved Widdy (who hails from Tranung. Mama's wish to have at least ONE menantu from there came thru!)

It was a whirlwind of activites those three days, starting on the 8th itself. T was officially a husband with the acceptance of the akad (hehehe..2 kali pulak tu. First time tertinggal 'lah'). Surprisingly, I didn't shed a single tear at the time! It was an emotional moment for Mama, Aboh and Mak Ngah though.

The Sunday saw us going as a rombongan again to Widdy's house (they had a big banner in front of the house - kalah calon parti kunci ok?) for the sanding and kenduri. They looked so berseri-seri in their green pelamin! The rest of the family were in purple, including little Ira & Lil Cub. We left T after lunch, and from there on he was on his own..hehehe.

The 'sambut menantu' in our home took place the next day. With my cousins' daughters as flower girls, the occasion started off well, and went on that way till the end. Poor Aboh looked so tired that night, and the newlyweds slept at almost 1 am helping us to clean the house!

They are now away for their honeymoon, and I guess to also start getting used to living as a married couple. They have quite big decisions to make, as one resides in KL and the other is practising law in good ol' Tranung. Whatever they decide, I am sure it is for the best. But if the decision involves T going back to his hometown...I will definitely miss my nearest and dearest support. He has always been the one I run to and talk with whenever I feel down. No, not because his house is 5 mins away from mine, but because over the years...we have grown so close to each other.

I LOVE YOU BROTHER! *enters song from that man in white from the American Id0l audition*

Selamat Pengantin Baru T & Widdy. May you have a marriage filled with happiness and laughter, and many tiny 'Happy Feets' soon.

*Oh shoot...now I am tearing up!*

Am I suppose to feel different?

2008-03-01T16:54:00.000+08:00

I have moved up a decade in age. And surprisingly, I don't feel different.

Yeah, I am at least 2 sizes bigger than I was before.
And I am now a mother to a boy.
I feel more matured...and I hope I act like one too!

Apart from that, I didn't feel the need to run away to reflect on life (like Sheena - who took a few days off to be in Bal1!).

But yes, there are things feel I need to step up regarding how I run my life. Especially when it comes to family (time to start keeping in touch with members outside the usual suspects!), responsibility. And of course, self fulfilment.

Remind me from time to time, yeah?

Reality check

2008-02-12T09:26:00.000+08:00

You knew how damaging it could be.
You were just waiting, not doing anything about it.
Probably expecting some kind for a miracle or epiphany.

If you were looking for signs, it is now there.
Right smacked in your face.
Now it is up to us what to do to make it better.

Life is short and to live it to the fullest, we must first be alive.

The flu bug has caught up with me

2008-02-05T14:03:00.000+08:00

Gosh, work has been so crazy that I need a long break!

Anyway, life has been a little too hectic for the past month. Buster was having a long bout of yo-yo- ing fever for a week before he was referred to the hospital. Of course the doctor HAD to hospitalise him to run a series of tests. Of course he HAD to choose to hospital that is far far away from home. So, the week saw me driving back and forth home-work-mansion-hospital-mansion-home on a daily basis. Takes a toll on you physically and mentally, I tell ya. Am so glad Lil Cub was understanding enough not to wake up at night or give me any difficulties with the whole arrangement.

Buster was discharged on Wednesday 10 pm, and life resumed as normal. Until Lil Cub showed some signs of demam. Rushed him to the clinic in case he caught the microplasma infection his dad got, but thank goodness it was just the normal fever going around. With two sick people at home, the weekend was not the resting period I hoped for. Except for the 3 hours mommies-day-out with Lil Cub, EllyB & Mary and Emm & unborn baby, the rest of the 3 day went by verrrrry quickly.

Sunday, the sniffles started. Yesterday, it came complete with a feeling of an enlarged head (I felt I was like Marge Simpson) . Today, sore throat, flu, headached, drowsiness, the works. I guess the past week's lack of rest caught up with me finally. The dear doctor gave me an MC but here I am still at the office.

That's it. Am leaving now (as I said 3 hours ago). Need some sleep. Need rest. Need to pack for tomorrow's strip back to good ol' Ganu.

Have a good loooong weekend everyone.

GONG XI FA CAI
(I love PeTRON@s CNY advert this year...so sedih)

On days like these, I feel like playing sick

2007-12-27T10:29:00.000+08:00

Most of the people in the office are still on leave, and although I managed to get a few things out of the way, I feel so malas! The good news is that the Rabbit is on leave *YAY*. Oh yeah, there has been a change in the Throne Occupant a.k.a. my boss. Milk has left for a more challenging assignment and hence Rabbit (another previous boss) is now in her place. With Rabbot - you are expected to be in the office BEFORE 8, but not necessarily leave BEFORE 6. *stress*

All I can think of right now is my comfy bed and snuggling in it with Lil Cub.

Speaking of which,he is getting naughtier and cheekier by the day! He has learned to test his limits and that in turn challenges his Dad's patience. I flinch everytime he gets scolded or 'babap-ed' by Daddy. I never thought I'd be the nice one (or in Buster's word - the WEAK one) when it comes to disciplining Lil Cub! And for the past few days, he just refuses to eat at home. I dunno whether he is tired of the food at home or what, but thank God he drinks his milk like a good boy. Maybe I shoud give him Appet0n? Hmmm..

Well, back to work. Not that I feel like doing any right now *sigh*

Since Lynne asked so nicely..

2007-12-16T14:09:00.000+08:00

... the 38 things meme

Name one person who made you laugh last night.
Buster..I think it was something to do with Lil Cub.

What were you doing at 0800?
Still in bed..snoozing alarms..

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Watched TV

What happened to you in 2006?
Motherhood happened..

What was the last thing you said out loud?
Jom laaa...sekarang! (On an invitation by Buster)

How many beverages did you have today?
Only 3..two of it being water and another cup of Milo.

What color is your hairbrush?
Black..if you could still call it a hairbrush.

What was the last thing you paid for?
The aircond servicing - it set me off RM200 but the room is cold again...*thank God!*

Where were you last night?
A birthday party for a 3 year-old.

What color is your front door?
Cream

Where do you keep your change?
Everywhere! In the handbag..my pockets..in the purse..

What’s the weather like today?
Gloomy..

What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
Pandan - Walls used to have them back when I was a kid.

What excites you?
Hehehehehe..

Do you want to cut your hair?
Yes please..

Are you over the age of 25?
Unfortunately...yes.

Do you talk a lot?
Sometimes. Depending who I am with and what topic it is. Most of the time I listen and grin.

Do you watch the O.C.?
Yes

Do you know anyone named Steven?
Uh-huh ..but that was from a part of life I do not want to remember so much.

Do you make up your own words?
Allllll the time.

Are you a jealous person?
I can be if I want to *green eyes appearing*

Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Anne

Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
Kevin

Who’s the first person on your received call list?
My aunt

What does the last text message you received say?
Apa dia?

Do you chew on your straw?
I think I still have that habit.

Do you have curly hair?
No.

Where’s the next place you’re going to?
Hopefully the mall. Need to get a few things before the break.

Who’s the rudest person in your life?
Can't think of any. The rude ones are not in my life..

What was the last thing you ate?
A pack of Cheezels

Will you get married in the future?
Hopefully NOT!

What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
Ohmigod...I just realised I haven't watched a SINGLE movie for the past two weeks *rushes off to turn on the HBO channel*

Is there anyone you like right now?
I like a LOT of people.

When was the last time you did the dishes?
This morning.

Are you currently depressed?
Hmmm...maybe off and on

Did you cry today?
No..not yet...hahhahaha

Why did you answer and post this?
Because Lynne asked so nicely..

Tag 5 people who would do this survey.
It's ok..I'll spare them.

Oh My God has it been that long??!

2007-12-16T14:04:00.000+08:00

The home PC broke.

The office banned blogs.

I have been kidnapped by FB.

But how I miss being here...

It's raya time again

2007-10-12T09:27:00.027+08:00

The office is so quiet today that you can actually an ant crawl!

Told my boss yesterday that I am leaving at 12. Maybe an hour at the mall (since my baju raya tak sempat siap) then off to pick Lil Cub up to go back to Daddy's kampung. I realised I haven't packed anything for the overnight at the mansion (jeng jeng jeng) and our trip back to Terengganu.

Speaking of which by the way, Mom is upset with me again. Yeah, a day before raya and she merajuk that we are only leaving KL on the 2nd day afternoon. I think sometimes she forgets the fact that I am a married woman and Buster comes first. For the past 2 years Buster has been giving in and we spent the first 3 days in Terengganu. All he asked for this year is only a day and a half with his family. Dia kan anak lelaki...I don't know how to make her see this. *sigh*

Hope she will be better once she sees Lil Cub.

On a happier note - here's wishing everyone:

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Maaf Zahir Batin and see you after the festivities!

Ramblings of the Heart - Part II

2007-09-07T10:59:00.000+08:00

I had a dream last night, as I often do when my heart is unsettled or something is bothering me. In the dream, I remembered being depressed and crying in silence. Lil Cub asked me where everyone was, and why wasn’t he with the rest.

I am unsettled.

The other half asked me why I was so disturbed with what’s going on.

As much as I want to share..

... how could I tell him that I feel sidelined by his family?

How could I tell him that it bothers me that his father’s stand to end the cold war is NOT to take a stand at all?

How do I explain to him that often times, the in-laws make me feel this small and that any efforts whatsoever to be nice is like mencurah air ke daun keladi?

How could I make him understand that as much as I should count my lucky stars I don’t have to see the in-laws so often, I still want to be happy WHEN I see them?

Doesn’t he realise that I am closer to my friends rather than his own family?

And of course, coming from a small family myself, how could I make him see that I long for my son to be close to his cousins like I was when I was little?

I am just upset that everytime I thought I can let it go and live my life as it is, I am back at this weird place.

But yes, I believe this too shall pass. Oh God, give me strength.

My baby turned ONE..

2007-08-14T09:43:00.000+08:00

How time flies.

Barely a year ago I spent a looooong, tiring 15 hours in the labour room when Lil Cub was brought into the world.

Lil Cub is now a year old. And a happy, handsome one-year old he is.

Ibu loves you.

My fave Lil Cub picture...

2007-08-01T17:36:00.001+08:00

Lil Cub in Phuket. I just love his expression in this one.

First Anniversary of Buster's 30th Birthday

2007-07-24T12:53:00.000+08:00

So it was Buster's birthday. And yeah, it was also Friday the 13th (which has nothing to do with this post).

As God has planned it, I was on unrecorded leave for the games, and fortunately...our match ended about 1.30 that day. Rushed home to take shower and made some attemp to look nice(r). Buster took half of the day off, and off we were to celebrate his birthday with a movie date with the Autobots and Decepticons @ Berj@ya Tim3s Square. Yeah yeah..I know it wasn't much of a date, but with the Lil One around and basically no ever ready babysitters, catching a movie together is a privilege for us!

Movie ended at six and saw us rushing thru traffic to pick Lil Cub up. Crossed town to get to Mutiara Damansara for dinner with Nomis & Kim. Sad to report though that food at the talked-about-newly-opened T0ny Rom@s was disappointing. The ribs were dry, the potatoes tasted funny and their idea of full ribs were a sad three medium-sized ones. Penat je kena beratur and tunggu giliran. Ingat sedap sangat!

Managed to call all Buster's gang for drinks and cakes for dessert at the pancake place. Biasalah, Buster buat - buat terkejut but I don't think he was THAT surprised they were there, At least he seemed happy. E-von and Kimmy were practising their motherhood skills on Lil Cub so I was relieved of the job for an hour!

The celebration continued the next day with yet another movie (woo hoo!) with NickNice& Film Director. Yup, our tradition of watching Harry Potter together continued. Lil Cub went to school for 2 hours while his parents pretended they were young and free!

Your truly didn't get the man anything for the birthday..since he asked for bling and truthfully, I can't afford it right now. Prolly I should take him to kedai kain to choose materials for his shirts since he complained that his is left with only 10 working shirts *yes, my husband the vain pot*. Can just imagine if I get him another watch, and our friend would go "What?? You got him WHAT?? With your own money?? WHY???!!"

I wish his family was around more for his birthday plans thou..not just a stroll in the park and a rushed dinner. But then again.. that's another post for another day..

Lil Cub turned 10 (months that is!)

2007-06-14T11:21:00.000+08:00

My little baby boy has turned 10 months and on this day he turned 10, he learnt how to clap his hands!!

It seems every birthday marks something new for him. When he was 8 months, we introduced formula milk to supplement his diet. Mommy Lion3ss could no longer cope with his demands..so it is 2x formula milk and 2x Ibu's milk a day for him now. Being an easy baby as always, we had no problems or resistance from him!

By 9 months, he started cruising. No cabinets were safe from him. And he has now become Ibu's assistant in the kitchen. While I sterilise his bottles or prepare his meals...he'd be hovering around checking the lower drawers for treasures!

Soon it'll be a year and he'll start walking, and he'll grow older and bigger.. I WANT HIM TO STAY THIS WAY LONGER!!!!

Tag - You're It

2007-05-10T15:32:00.000+08:00

Was tagged by Tink.

I don't think anyone reads this nowadays, so I shall not tag anyone. But feel free to try it.

Layer One : On The Outside
Name : Me
Birthdate: 0103…am a fish!
Current Status: Woman. Wife. Mom.
Eye Colour: Dark Brown
Hair Colour: Black
Righty or Lefty: Righty

Layer Two : On The Inside
My Heritage: Err..I think quite a mix. Mostly Malay with a hint of Jawa and Siam.
My Fears: Losing my loved ones.
My Weaknesses: Lil Cub’s grin, and FOOD!
My Perfect Pizza: Loads of cheese, thin and crispy.

Layer Three: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
My thoughts first thing when I wake up: Only xxx more days to the weekend…
My bedtime: About 10-ish...maybe later on weekends.
My most missed memory: Going out for midnight movies with NickNice or Buster (pre Lil Cub) on weekends followed by the tarik at the nearby mamak.

Layer Four: My picks
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonald’s or Burger King: Would have to be McD.
Single or Group Dates: Hahahaha..this is so 114 years ago!
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Tea or Nestea: Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla for ice cream, Chocolate for everything else
Cappucino or Coffee: Milo

Layer Five: Do I
Smoke: Nope.
Curse: When I am all stressed out (which is often nowadays).
Take a shower: Err..of course?
Have a crush: Now? Hmmm..on Peter and Micah of Heroes
Think I’ve Been In love: You think?
Go to school: Yups.
Want to get married: I did ... I freaked out… I did again…and finally did.
Believe in myself: Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.
Think I’m a health freak: I would like to think I am. But let’s be honest… I WAS.

Layer Six: In the past month
Drank alcohol: No..but err..eating something with alcohol dioesn’t count right?
Gone to the mall: Every SINGLE day. I work in one.
Been on stage: Only as an event management member
Eaten Sushi: Yes…err..wait..that was last month..so..NO.
Dyed your hair: No.
Layer Seven: Have I ever
Played a stripping game: No.
Changed who I am to fit in: Yes. I didn’t like it, so did my friends.

Layer Eight: Age
I am hoping to be married: Hahahahaha…

Layer Nine: What was I doing
1 min ago: Gossiping with colleagues
1 hour ago: Having lunch with the Henry Gurney gang
4.5 hours ago: Completing a presentation for Dutch Lady
1 month ago: Trying to understand the drama in Buster’s family
1 year ago: Walking as slow as a hippo and hoping Lil Cub would arrive faster.

Layer Ten: Finish The Sentence
I love: kissing Lil Cub cheeks
I feel: like ice-cream after work.
I hate: doing the laundry.
I hide: my credit card bills.
I need: to finish my work now.

Anuar Zain - Perpisahan (AIM '07)

2007-05-03T12:08:00.001+08:00

I love him...err..his songs..

I am finally back

2007-05-03T10:15:00.000+08:00

Whoa..changing to Beta Blogger made me lose my password!

Anyway, lots have happened since then. I'll put it in different topics.

HOLIDAY:

We took Lil Cub to Phuket for Chef & E-von's wedding after a very long process of deliberation with the grandparents. And what a perfect decision it was! I didnt suffer separation anxiety and he enjoyed himself splashing around.

Took a day trip with Emm and EllyB (and respective families) to Sepang Goldcoast *hahahaha*. The sea was rather muddy, but it didn't stop the babies (and the parents) from soaking in the water. We missed the chance of having my ketams and ikan bakars due to the crowd, but a good day out anyhow.

OFFICE:

Office is...well...office. Nothing more nothing less. Madam Dutch Lady is rather moody lately, and we are always on our toes for her next outburst.

A new addition to the department happened to be a close friend, so for that I am soooo glad.

DRAMA @ THE MANSION:

It is still on-going. BW refuses to talk to both of us, and even taking extra efforts to come in the back door everytime we are around. I just don't get it.

The ones who suffers most is Daddy and Lil Cub. The former misses his son and cucu, and Lil Cub is missing out on hanging out with the cousins. We are not even invited for birthdays anymore since BW will be cooking and having us will create an awkward moment. Poor Buster looks so sad sometimes. He doesn't consider that as home anymore. It is even more heart-tugging when Lil Honey climbs into our car everytime we were leaving and asking why can't we sleep at the mansion anymore. *SIGH*

LIFE AS A MOTHER:

Everyday is an adventure with Lil Cub around. He has started crawling and no place is safe from him. We even caught him stuck under the sofa once! (I am not a bad mother...). He eats heartily now, and surprisingly he actually loves veggie. So not like the mom masa kecik.

I love him to pieces...

The long wait..

2007-03-16T08:12:00.000+08:00

I don't think the computers like me much.

My PC at home went blank on me and this one keeps giving me the 'blue-screen' treatment. In fact this is the 4th time I am trying to upload this *sheesh*.

Updates since the last time:

Lil Cub's gums has shown a sneak preview of his first two teeth.
Drama with Mama ended on a good note *alhamdulillah*
Another drama happened at the mansion...this time it was between Buster and BW (but of course sooner or later I'll be dragged into it!)
Sat for my 'naik pangkat' interview, and the future looks promising
We are bringing two of my wonderful cats back to Terengganu to avoid more dramas at the mansion. But Tiya wants to keep my fave Aboo. *Just hope the evil cat haters don't decide to throw him out...*

Oh, on another different storyline - someone sent me excerps of those AF kids personality (which apparently is on their official website). One of the questions posted was:

Name three major / important things that happened in Malaysia for the past 7 years:

Most unbelievable answer :

1) Siti - Datuk K's wedding (90% of them answered this, ok?)

2) Erra - Yusry got divorced

3) Ajai - Nurul's divorce

Are teenagers nowadays this shall0w?!

Moms can drive you crazy

2007-02-15T11:42:00.000+08:00

Mama is again merajuk-ing with me. This time around it has already been almost a week.

It started with a very small misunderstanding. She called, I answered. Had to cut it short cos Lil Cub was sleeping on my chest, plus the car was full with my in-laws. I did say i'd call her back.

The next thing I knew, I received an sms from her berating me for being 'abrupt'. I was apparently 'too busy to talk to own mom' and had 'always had other important things'.

Texted her back. Said sorry and promised I'd call her back. Which I did, but she was 'sleeping'. According to Aboh, she cried in her sleep, but still refused to talk to me.

Today is the 5th day. I call everyday, but everytime I called she is never around (toilet-lah, tidur-lah, etc) and I end up talking to Aboh and Wan. And still Aboh asked me to call everyday.

I don't know how long she'll give me the silent treatment. I am close to giving up.

Wish List..(at least for now)

2007-02-09T12:17:00.000+08:00

Shoes, shoes and shoes...

Shirts that can fit my new 'figure'...

An entire new wardrobe for work and play...

A new car...

That long holiday...

A magical maid who can clean the house and make herself disappear...

2007-02-06T08:31:00.000+08:00

Today marks the 5th year of Mummy's passing.

To think about it, I never got to call her that when she was alive. Buster is in a somber mood today, reflecting the days when she was around. I ponder too sometimes .. how different our lives would be if she was still here.

Semoga Allah tempatkan Mummy @ Aunty Dah di kalangan mereka yang beriman.

Oh God, give me a reason...I'm down on bended knees..

2007-01-29T12:27:00.000+08:00

After 15 years, BoyzIIMen is still one of my faves!

NickNice and I left our partners in the room (in my case, together with Lil Cub) and shaked our booties and sang along to the group that brought us so many memories. It was my birthday treat for NickNice, my friend of 16 years. The last time we went out for a night out like this was for the Force of Nature concert.

I loooove their rendition of Doing Just Fine - it took me back to my small uni room, back in Winter,1999. And their other hits like Mama, Motownphilly and of course, End of the Road sounds exactly like it did years ago. Our only comment was that it was too short (and that the people next to us are sooo boring - they refused to dance and sing along!).

The concert ended about 10 pm - of which took me back to reality and the mommy role. But it was worth it. I just wished Buster could've joined us as well. But he did a marvellous job looking after the little one.

*I love you*

Two weeks into the new year

2007-01-16T11:02:00.000+08:00

Yup..it has been 16 days since we've embarked on 2007. And between the last post until now, so many things has happened.

Summary:

1) My dearest Emm got hitched. She wants to be called 'The Chick Formerly Known as Miss Emm'. Kaybes and Emm - we're so happy for you!

2) The cow for our Qurban this year escaped and ran to the neighbour's house. They had to finally shoot the leg.

3) Lil Cub turned for the first time on January 3rd. Not once, not twice, but 3 times in a row. Then penat and refused to do it anymore. *Now he does it only when Ibu begs him to*.

4) Met Elisa and his handsome boys over lunch - Izani the vampire is soooo adorable!

5) Decided that I don't need anymore dramas from the people in the mansion. As it is now, we are only going back once a week to see Daddy.

6) The fraternity some sort of an away day over the weekend. Bundled Lil Cub and used emotional blackmail on Buster to follow. (He did a great job taking care of the little one that I think I can afford to have longer time with my girlfriends after this!). Being at the session made me miss having Emm and EllyB around even more.

7) Got tickets for me and NKN for the Boyz II Men concert next weekend. The last time we celebrated her birthday this way was 3 years back!

8) T has decided on the tentative dates for his big day. Now, this sister is gonna have to start planning. First on the list - cincin belah rotan for Widdy's tanda.

I think that sums it up. More entries after this, I promise..

Grrr...

2006-12-13T11:45:00.000+08:00

Cat Haters should all be banned from living.
Especially those who are evil, biased and think they are SOOOO superior.

*BLEGH*

Oh dearie me..

2006-12-11T12:57:00.000+08:00

It was a tense moment. Buster and GG were at each other's throat..they were literally screaming at one another. I guess coming from a family where shouting is not a norm, it was a scary sight. I even took Lil Cub into the room and put him to sleep.

I didn't want to take sides. As much as I admit that Buster shouldn't have blew his top, some of the things said to him wasn't fair to begin with. There he was, sacrificing OUR family time (Sundays are supposed to be time for Lil Cub and me) to set up the PC for the kids, and he was scolded just because he asked the maids to clean up the area. *Apparently, he asks them to do EVERYTHING!* Words were spat out, tempers raised and if not for Daddy and the elder brother..I have a strong feeling it might have been even more serious.

I came out of the room an hour later to clean Lil Cub and saw them activating the Net together under the watchful eye of ECH. Alhough things looked better, I guess certain things has been said out in the open. Buster was still upset. We only left the mansion at almost 4 pm, leaving only a precious couple of hours for us before we go home and retire for the day.

I didn't say much about the fight - it was between the siblings. But again, some of the things said offended me as well. I guess now I kinda confirmed what I suspected all these while.

And although I know (and resigned to) the fact that I come second after Daddy in Buster's life, sometimes it makes me wonder: Do I come after his other family members as well? The ones who seldom appreciate him for what he does around the house? The ones who take our presence for granted? The ones who have no respect to our space, time and things around the mansion? Is it fair for him to sacrifice time with Lil Cub and me for THEM?!

*Sigh*

Maybe it's just the time of the month. But hey, I don't even get PMS nowadays..

On this day, three years ago..

2006-12-06T17:05:00.000+08:00

..I accepted another person to be part of my life..permanently.

Sedar tak sedar..it has been three years since I have become a Puan.

Happy belated anniversary, Buster. Thanks for the gorgeous lilies (which apparently became the envy of the whole floor!) and 1095 days of being a great husband.

To the hospital we went..

2006-12-06T10:24:00.000+08:00

Lil Cub was hospitalised last week, which explains my absence from the office the whole week.

After my last post, his fever continued to come and go everyday for a week. It usually spiked at 5 in the morning. So after a week and 3 trips to the neighbourhood paeditrician clinic, I decided to take him to see his paeditrician in the hospital. He was NOT happy that the fever was taking that long to go away, and ordered for Lil Cub to be admitted for further tests - blood, urine and stool samples were taken. My poor baby had to be inserted with an IV line. The nurses actually asked me to leave when they did it. Poor poor darling..

Unfortunately, the wards were full. We had to wait for 4 whole hours till we got a room. We were given a bed in the A&E section, and Lil Cub became the darling of the nurses there. Even with his hand bandaged due to the IV line, he was smiling and laughing away..playing up to his adoring fans.

The kind doctor came to see us that evening, and explained that my little darling caught a gut infection. Some evil bugs found a way to go into his stomach..either through his hands or through touch of others in the nursery or at home. The good news was it is treatable through antibiotics, but we were to stay in for that for the next 3 days. Plus, they wanted to rule out salmonella and they can only do that after 48 hours. With Buster away, it was kinda tiring. But luckily Mama came over (more because her only grandson is sick, I think..hehehe) and I can't be more grateful for the helping hand. His Aunt EllyB and Aunt Emm came as soon as they finished work. Mengada la dia .. senyum senyum je.

Buster came back the next day and spent the night with us. Lil Cub was so much better but then, he passed the bug to his Ibu! I was vomiting non-stop that I had to visit the A & E myself! Luckily I had the weekend to recover..and Mama extended her stay for another day to look after Lil Cub (not me, mind you!).

He's back in the nursery now. Much better and happy as usual. I thank God that throughout his ordeal he didn't refuse feeding. In fact, he fed more often! I wouldn't want my bam-bam to go skinny!

Tired lion3ss & Lil Cub

Playing nurse

2006-11-24T17:43:00.000+08:00

My Lil Cub had his first fever two days ago. We came back from his nursery and he was feeling a bit warm. He did the nasty (our codename for vomit) on me on our way up and was quiet all the way. I had time to pray and sterilised all his feeding equipment before I changed him. And all these without a word from him. Took his temperature - it was a whopping 39.2 degrees! Put on my jeans and took him straight to the clinic while sponging him in the car. At the clinic his temp went higher - it only went down 45 mins later after his meds kicked in.

The night saw me waking up almost every hour checking up on him. I even had a nightmare about him being sick. But the best experience is waiting for him to wee wee. Since the kind doctor needed a urine sample, we had to collect it early in the morning. We waited one whole hour to get him to do his business! And he was actually giggled at us when we sighed relief!

Lil Cub is better today. I left him in the hands of his adoring fans(ie Daddy's & SIL's maids) under the supervision of Jiji. Plus, his cousins are around to look after him. Can't wait to go back and see him.

On another note - work is getting rather hectic nowadays. I hardly have time to do anything else, even during lunch. My only quiet moment is during my milk expressing sessions..of which I do in the filing room..hahahah! I managed to get out of travelling to East Malaysia, thanks to my superior who thinks that I should be with Lil Cub since he is recovering. Plus, Buster will be travelling again next week, this time to Jedd@h for 5 days *sigh*. Lucky this time, but I guess it won't be for long.

Well, it's half past five. Time to go back to my darling.

Presenting...Lil Cub!

2006-11-09T08:56:00.000+08:00

Lil Cub at 3 hours old

At at one month, 28 days. His Majlis Aqiqah..

At 2 months of age

Lil Cub's first raya

That was a long break, wasn't it?

2006-11-08T16:18:00.000+08:00

Yes, I am back. Actually I have been back at work for a week since last Monday. But you know how it is - files piled up on the desk, e-mail to read and replied to, and getting back into the groove basically.

During the 3 months I was away, between feeding Lil Cub and attending to his every need, I've been writing quite a lot - mostly in my notebook. Shall make an effort to transfer it here.

Oh yeah, Buster and I have been blessed with a male cub. Eirfan was born weighing 3.2 kgs and standing at 51 cm. He is now almost 3 months-old, cheekier than ever. He laughs, coos and smiles so very often now.

Lil Cub is quite an easy baby. He only cries whenever he is hungry and sleepy. He feeds often (and a lot!) But he has established a sleeping routine that favours his mommy. That little dear only wakes up at midnight for his last feeding of the day and lets me sleep all the way till Subuh! And even when he wakes up in the morning, he'll be smiling and chatting away (in his unrecognisable baby sounds) all by himself till one of us picks him up.

He started 'school' the day I started work. It breaks my heart every morning to leave him at the nursery, but hey - that's the way things are. The first day of him being there saw me crying and him smiling at his 'classmates'. Hehehe.. But I am glad for the quality time we have in the car, especially our morning rides - me singing and him grinning away (I bet he is just laughing at how silly his mom looks!). The downside of having him in a place near the office is that he has to go through the jam with me every evening. Most of them time he gets irritated and goes to sleep. I wish I could do that too!

Oh dear, lunchtime is over. Will definitely try to update again soon.

Can I take my leave now?

2006-07-26T08:30:00.000+08:00

It has been quite some time since I have last written anything.

*No, Elisa - I dok beranok lagi!*

But work in the office has been crazy and I dread the day that I am going for my leave. The kind doctor has already given me a blank MC - for me to put the date whenever I feel too tired to work anymore. I'd prolly take up on her offer next week. She suspects Lil Cub would come out a week earlier than his due date, which is in a week's time!

Went for our last and final class of parentcraft last night. Since we started off with the 3rd class a month's back (the lady doesn't think I'd make it in time if I started with the first class last week!), last night class was on breathing techniques and antenatal exercises. I was the ONLY person who is past 36 weeks..so you can imagine me trying to do some of the exercises! *Hahaha..Buster made sure I wasn't 'pushing' during the breathing class - in case Lil Cub thinks it is actually time!!*

Got almost everything in the baby & mommy list (thanks aunties & uncles for the gifts!), except for a few items that Buster needs to get during his lunch. *HINT!HINT!*

Errr..any suggestions on the best brand of diapers anyone?

Oooh, I can't describe the anxiety and worry that goes through my head right now. I am so excited, but at the same time pinching myself to ensure that this is REAL. The realisation that my whole life would change after the next week or two, the idea that a small being will be dependent on you for his life and well being, the whole concept of having a kid. WOW!

I remembered praying in front of the Kaabah last year so that Allah bless us with a child only when He thinks we are ready to have one. Who are we to question His decision? I certainly wasn't at that point of time..but I can't imagine waiting any longer now.

Wish me luck, people. I will try to update during my leave. But in case I don't - I shall personally sms you when the time comes.

My bags are not packed yet!

2006-07-14T09:05:00.000+08:00

I got an earful for not packing my bags properly yet. Since Lil Cub is already coming to his 36th week, it can be aytime now. Even the doctor is openly offering me MC if I don't feel fit to work anymore.

Excited as I am, I am also scared like hell. I mean, am I really gonna be a mom soon? Wow..

Give way to the whale!

2006-07-06T12:51:00.000+08:00

Yes, that is what how I feel right now.

HUGE and HEAVY.

*Oh, and am suffering from water retention, hence making my feet look like they were Jumbo's instead!*

But all is well and fine. And Lil Cub is so active that sometimes I wonder where he gets the energy from! Auntie Emm often wonders aloud whether his movements is similar of those she watched on those alien movies. Buster gets all excited whenever Lil Cub decides to give him the time of the day and put on a show. Uncle T talks to him in slang tranung so that he won't forget his roots. And mom? This lioness is just thankful that Lil Cub moves more than 10 times a day..even if it makes her lose sleep sometimes!

Milk is getting restless with the idea of me going off work for 2 months. And I really do pity her. With the manager only coming in in September EARLIEST, this department will be void of staff. Perky Girl does not have her heart fully into what she does anymore so that's not helping. She'd rather busy herself with other functions..even doing charts and graphs for the Women's Society interests her more!

Went to see bling blings with Emm yesterday. The sales exec (who turned out to be an old friend) insisted that I gave Buster's number to her so that she can twist his arm to buy me diamonds upon Lil Cub's arrival. Not a bad idea huh? It is so heartwarming looking at how excited Emm is with the whole marriage preparation is. Can't wait for her big day to come - just hope I have regained my pre pregnancy figure by then though. Otherwise, if you see a person sitting at the corner wearing frumpy baju kurung trying to hide from the cameras, come over and say hi.

Ok, enough for now. Nature calling again. The thing about drinking more than 2 litres of water a day is that long, frequent trips to the ladies!

Cause he's leaving, on a jet plane..

2006-06-29T10:44:00.000+08:00

Buster left for the land of the Great Wall this morning. Only 4 days this time, but away nonetheless.

The problem with him leaving on such short notice is that we will be left with so many things to sort out the day/night before. And that normally leaves us with no time to just chill out. For example, he had to work late last night so by the time we left for home to pick up the laundry, change the car, sign some documents and check on the house, we were both dead tired. Couldn't help much with his packing since my back was giving me a hard time.

Sent him to KL Sentral about 7 this morning, and I was quiet all the way. Not that I meant to be moody or anything, just tired and lack of sleep. Now that his flight has left, I feel so bad and suddenly miss him terribly. At times like this, I wish I am a better wife..

Dahlah kena tidur kat in-laws malam ni *sigh*.

Looking at the bright side though, I get to go for my walk today with Emm. And a promise of bakso for dinner..*nyum*. Oh, and am meeting Abang for lunch today and Bro for tea tomorrow. All that AND the fact that I'll get the weekend to myself. Was thinking of a read aloud session with Lil Cub and some shopping. Still have quite some items to purchase in preparation of Lil Cub's arrival. His uncle SL just gave us a rather generous cheque last night as a present, plus as a drectorship token for Buster for their company. Alhamdulillah. It couldn't have come at a better time.

Yay, the internal server is up again. Better get back to work..

Don't bother me, please..

2006-06-16T17:10:00.000+08:00

If it is not for Daddy and the kids, sometimes I question myself why I bother to go back to the mansion. Not only that the people there treat us like 3rd class citizens sometimes, the internal conflicts is not something I would like to be tangled in.

Buster says I am just being difficult..but being heavily pregnant with so many other things in mind can really change your mood. Like no, I do not want you to question me on petty things like why I spend my pay on cat food. Or that it is our clothes are the ones getting thrown out of the common cupboard to make way for others. And if I complain to much, it'll put Buster in a spot and we'll end up getting on each other's nerves.

Gosh..I so don't need this right now. Besides, becoming upset over things that don't really matter can't be good for Lil Cub, can it?

I'm taking you home..

2006-06-07T15:12:00.000+08:00

I first heard this song years ago - one of the episodes of ER where that nurse Carol Hathaway (Julianna Margulies) suddenly realised that she is still in love with Dr Ross (George Clooney)even after they opt to separate and see other people. I still remember the look on her face when a husband of a dead patient told her that you shouldn't let go of your loved ones - especially your soulmates. *sigh*

I just realised that I have this song in my PC. Shared with someone that I'd probably sing this to Lil Cub on the day I take him home from the hospital!

Taking You Home - Don Henley

I had a good life
Before you came
I had my friends and my freedom
I had my name

Still there was sorrow and emptiness
Till you make me glad
Oh and in this love I found strength
I never knew I had

And this love
Is like nothing that I have ever known
Take my hand love
I'm taking you home
Taking you home

There were days, lonely days
When the world wouldn't throw me a crumb
But I kept on believing
That this day would come

And this love
Is like nothing that I have ever known
Take my hand love
I'm taking you home
I'm taking you..

..home
Where we can be with the ones
Who really care
Home..where we acn grow together
Keep you in my heart forever

And this love
Is like nothing that I have ever known
Take my hand love
I'm taking you home..

Midweek ramblings

2006-05-23T07:49:00.000+08:00

According to my ticker, I have another 81 days to go before Lil Cub comes over. Then why do I feel like staying at home already? I am soooooo lazy to wake up in the morning and get ready for work!

Life is rather hectic lately. With the projects in the office (which Milk wants us to at least get 90% completed before I go off!) and running around as per usual over the weekend..I am left with very little time to myself. Was hoping I could have some quiet 'baby and me' time over last weekend. But since Jack decided to fit in the cabinet on Friday, the weekend meant cleaning up. *But the room looks sooooo nice and ready for a child now!* And eventhough we had Sunday to ourselves, Buster decided to continue his Alias marathon while I tried hard not to nod off! I am such a light sleeper lately that I often wake up at night not knowing how to fall asleep again! Especially with Buster dearest's symphony playing by the side. If only I'm on leave everyday I would prolly stay awake at night and sleep the day away! * Or maybe, all I need is a pair of ear plugs...hahahaha!* Oh, can someone please tell me what to do with the extreme itchiness I am suffering due to my skin stretching??!!

Okay..deep breaths.

T is graduating on Monday. That little brother of mine had the best surprise in his life when he found out he graduated top of his class. His gf Widdy was browsing the internet when the results were posted..and there it was:

SARJANA MUDA UNDANG-UNDANG (KEPUJIAN)
--------------- IJAZAH KELAS PERTAMA ----------------------------

1. xxxxx BIN xxxxx **

Of course la kan, it was the best holiday present for my parents as well. He broke the news just moments before they boarded the plane to Morrocco. We are all so proud of him. It is a HUGE achievement for someone who almost gave up due to parental pressure during high school (he was always compared to Abang and I) to the best student in his college. *tearing up*. Good ol' T.

Buster was making fun of me saying that the news made me the only child who didn't graduate with a First Class Honours in my family! *Yeah..yeah..as if I need reminding of that fact.*

Well, better go get that day off from the boss. I sure don't wanna miss T's graduation..plus, it has been a while since we all have dinner as a family. This calls for a celebration!

There He Goes..There He Goes Again..

2006-05-09T16:43:00.000+08:00

Buster is leaving again tomorrow. For a week, but this time for pleasure.

He and his buddies go for an all-boys-annual trip once a year, and this year it is Phuket. Am soooo jealous since I had to forgo my Phuket all-girls trip earlier, and with my changing hormones, cramps and all..I am not exactkly jumping with joy with the idea. *Although on the other hand, I am loooving the idea of having the bed to myself for a week..hahahaha!*

Some of the other partners are not so supportive though. One actually 'fire-stoned' me to not let Buster go:

" How inconsiderate is he to leave you in this condition to have fun? "
" Do you know what is in Phuket? The strippers, the bars - and you're gonna let him go? "
" What kind of example are you letting him set for the baby? "

She even openly scolded Buster in front of her hubby with the hope that it'll work. Hehehe, silly me just said - well, I need the privacy for a week. I don't think she likes me so much now. *LOL* Well, as long as Buster behaves..

Am definitely going back to Terengganu this long weekend. At least I get some pampering from Mama, Aboh and Wan.

Ooops, my driver for the day is already giving me the looks. Tomorrow then!

Lil Cub Updates

2006-05-03T15:42:00.000+08:00

Buster felt Lil Cub kicked for the first time. He was excited and started talking bubble talk through the tummy *sheesh*. But it is kinda nice because all these while it was just me who can feel him.

T thinks Lil Cub will be a good footballer, with him kicking his mom all the time nowadays. But then again, my brother also wants Lil Cub to learn how to play the guitar. Hmmm..guitar + football.

Kekgi jadi Mat Rock dok lama baru tahu.

Lil Cub is developing well. The last time we went for a scan, we could already see his chubby cheeks. Oh, and him sucking his thumb. Not a very good habit..Buster says that he doesn't think we can afford braces for him later. Lil Cub is also 2 weeks ahead in size than his supposed age (which makes me almost 10 kgs heavier now than my pre-pregnancy weight!). I got quite an earful from the doctor.

Cut down on milk.
No more late night suppers.
You've been eating too much haven't you?
We don't want you to have a tough first experience.

NOOOOO!!!!

EllyB assures me it'll be ok. And looking at her and Baby M, I think she's right.

Love is in the air...

2006-04-26T15:46:00.000+08:00

Seems like everyone around me is either getting engaged or married lately.

Dearest people, I am soooooo happy for you guys (you know who you are!). After what seems like a lifetime of on-and-off relationships, heartaches and dating jerks, you deserve this.

May the love that brings you together keeps you together.

I love you guys!

Let's Play With Colours!

2006-04-18T18:13:00.000+08:00

Your Power Color Is Blue

Relationships and feelngs are the most important things to you.
You are empathetic and accepting - and good at avoiding conflict.
If someone close to you is in pain, it makes you hurt as well.
You try to heal the ones you love with your kind and open heart.

What's Your Power Color?

An overdue entry

2006-04-17T12:19:00.001+08:00

Someone commented that this space has been rather neglected lately. To be frank, I have been jotting things down here and there with the hope of transferring them into here but I keep putting it off. Of course la after a while the jottings get rather stale.

Anyway, just got back from a 4-day visit to the country where Buster was sent to. The trip was nice, though I get tired slightly more easily. Vientiane is all right, a little too hot and dusty for my liking and about two steps back from Phnom Penh. But shopping is rather cheap (hey, what else was I suppose to do?), and I love their local kain tenun.

The journey there was tiring though. Not only did I arrive in KLIA half an hour before the flight due to some technical problems on the ERL, I had a five-hour wait for my connecting flight to Vientiane. I had to kill time by doing word puzzles, finishing my book and sleeping on the couch. By the time someone woke me up to give my boarding pass *the perks of being pregnant, hehehe*, I was ready to leave. The flight on the fokker was rather smooth, although I spent most of it under the blanket!

I was surprised by Buster and his boss at the arrival gate, instead of a driver with my name on a card. Apparently, they finished work early and have laid out plans for us that evening. A quick shower at the hotel, then off we went to a massage parlour. The prices were dirt cheap, and according to them, this was one of the nicer ones in town. I was charged USD6 for an-hour long facial and face massage..and Buster USD4 for an hour's worth of full body massage!! We went straight to dinner afterwards - a halal North Indian place with superb food. Good for me as I have developed a penchant for North Indian cuisine ever since I got preggers.

Buster's boss and the other bank guy left for home after breakfast the next morning. Since the hotel we stayed in is owned by a Malaysian, they have a halal menu for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Not only do we get to order a la carte - we could also take advantage of the buffet spread!

Saturday was filled with doing the tourist thingy. Although this country is not as advanced as the rest of the Mekong countries, it is rather nice. There is a square filled with small, international restaurants and cafes, which made me feel like I was in some small European town! The food was good, rather authentic I would say.

Sunday was filled with shopping. Went to the morning market, the trade center and the Chinese market. Learnt that I had more bargaining power using Thai baht, and got carried away shopping for silk and precious stones..hehehe. The mango there is to die for - soooo sedap! We had another round of massages that evening - head and shoulders for me this time. If I wasn't pregnant, I would not have let go of the opportunity of the spa pampering package - it was only for USD25 for 3 hours!! But I felt so good after the session, maybe because I was tired of walking around bargaining for things!

We left for Ho Chi Minh the next morning. As our connecting flight to KL was on wait list, we decided to put up the HCM for a night and take the chance of roaming around. A guy from a local Malaysian bank there was kind enough to send his driver to pick us up at the airport and booked us into a hotel. He met us up at the lobby and gave us a list of places to go to given the short time we had there. A speedy check-in and two bananas later, we were already in Behn Tham Market - haggling prices for embroided bags and cotton dresses! Since Buster always turns into an honorary gay whenever shopping is concerned, I had the time of my life going from stall to stall picking things up. My only regret is that I didn't have more time (and money!) to shop there as the market closed at 6!

We walked three blocks to go back to the hotel, only to realise that we skipped lunch. After a quick photo session at the must-take-picture-tourist-spots, we walked another 2 blocks to a restaurant recommended by Chulan called Four Seasons. We walked in and our first thought was - damn, it is like being in London's Holiday Villa in bulan puasa! Penuh melayu ok?! One long table full of people from my company even. But since we were dead hungry, of course dah tak kisah orang and just sat down to order. Their food is so tasty (or was it because we were starving?). Buster had second helpings of course! By the time we reached the hotel, we were exhausted. Had barely enough energy to pack before we both started snoring! Just enough rest before our flight back home the next morning.

It was good to be back actually, but I am glad I went. As I told my friends - not a glamourous place to go for holiday but at least it'll be my last one as a couple before Lil Cub arrives!

That soon?!

2006-03-28T17:38:00.000+08:00

Oh dear..

2006-03-27T12:52:00.000+08:00

A dear relative is planning to get married to her long time beau this year. They've been going out for almost 6 years, and I guess it is the most natural thing to do at this point.

I am happy for Nyna. I am so glad that both her and the bf lasted this long, and taking the next step. I look forward to her having a family of her own, so that our kids can grow up together like we did when we were little.

So why do I have this disturbing feeling and bits of worry about the whole thing?

As long as I knew him, her bf has always been panas baran. I have heard them fight, and it is not a nice sight. My other cousins and I have heard how overly sensitive he can be if she doesn't pick up his calls on time. And how sad he can make her by scolding her for the tiniest things. That and his tak kisah way of supporting himself. Call me spoilt, but I personally would find it hard to regress if I am already brought up comfortably by my parents. And I know for a fact that has been the case for Nyna as well. Being the only daughter, she has been showered with almost everything! I understand that not everyone thinks a degree is necessary to be successful and I respect that. I NEVER look down on what people do for a living. For me, as long as they are ikhlas and berusaha besungguh-sungguh, the rezeki will be theirs. I just wish he strives better, that's all. It might look workable now, but I just don't want them to end up arguing about this later.

I know he has his good sides. He was one of the firsts one to rush to her side when she went through a sudden loss. He tries his best to be around whenever he can. He puts in extra effort to prove to everyone that he is worth it.

He is not too keen on hanging out with our family whenever we meet. He'd rather sit alone at one corner than join us for a chat. Not that we don't include him, we try to. But he feels uncomfortable, which leads to make us feeling bad. This soon will lead to frustration on Nyna's side, and a further misunderstanding between them. I wish he'd stop feeling inferior, because none of us are judging him. My greatest fear is that we'll lose Nyna once they settle down because the hubby doesn't feel like hanging out with us,

I love Nyna and hope that all turns out well. Pray with me, ok?

Am I Doing Enough?

2006-03-20T10:54:00.000+08:00

Have I read enough to ready me for this?

Am I providing enough spiritual foundation for us both at this stage?

Did Lil Cub suffer when my BP dropped?

Am I not eating enough for us?

Is there any way for me to know that I am doing all I can?

Darling, I am sorry if I am not at my best at times. I promise I'll try to be better. I love you Lil Cub. I might not have shown it as much, but bear with me for I am learning too. Don't give up on me, ok?

Gosh, sometimes I wish I am Superwoman..*sigh*

Thank you for the music!

2006-03-09T16:16:00.000+08:00

My brothers and Buster chipped in to get me an iPod Nano for my birthday. I LOVE it! Now, everywhere I go I am accopanied by the two things that make me happy - my book and continuous music. Oh, and Bro got me TWO new shoes *as all pregnant ladies should stop wearing heels he said*.]

Life in the office is so hectic lately, with the roadshow on its way. Changes happens every 5 minutes, and boy..everyone seems to have their own ideas. Thank goodness for EllyB who keeps me sane. I better take full advantage of this before she leaves.

Ooh, it's 6 o'clock. Time for more music in the LRT. Hope someone offers this lady a seat!

Here's to another year..

2006-03-01T12:22:00.000+08:00

It must have been one of the less memorable March eve ever. Not only was I attacked by a killer headache, Buster was in one of his difficult moods again. Well, I blame it on my sulking to spark it off in the first place *sigh*. Sometimes I wish both of us would be less hard headed. *crossing fingers that the Little One won't take after that trait from the parents*

Before I dozed off last night, the thought that crossed my mind was of how I have lived my life for the past 27 years. I realised that there are so many things that I have yet to accomplish, and those that could've been done. Before you know it, another year is going to pass and you Things-To-Do list remains a list still.

Here's wishing for a better, more meaningful year. And hopefully, with more things crossed of the list!

Ramblings...again.

2006-02-21T14:27:00.000+08:00

My parents left on Sunday since Buster managed to get an earlier flight home. Mama was actually teary-eyed to leave T in KL for good. I think she is still coming to terms with the idea of her youngest chick leaving the nest. With Mama and Aboh gone, there are no more breakfast in the morning or food waiting on the table when we come back. I guess I did take their presence for granted a little. Now I wish they are here more often. * I can hear Buster in the background saying - Be careful what you wish for! Hahahaha..*

Since T is still car pooling with Buster, my dearest husband is no longer bored in the car. Eversince we found that that we're expecting, Buster has been sending me to work every morning. And me being the sleep machine I am lately, would doze off the whole way! Poor Buster has to think, sing and say eveything aloud to keep himself awake! *grins* But the only thing about this whole car pooling business is that T has no excuse but to follow us whenever we need to drop by in Daddy's or some other places. Since he hasn't said anything, I take it as he is ok with it for the time being. He plans to move out this weekend...although I am secretly hoping that he'll stay with us slightly longer. The apartment can get rather lonely after you are used to having people around.

Oooh, this was given to me earlier.

I like!

Short updates

2006-02-15T13:51:00.000+08:00

1. Buster is away again, this time to yet another indochina country.

Good news : It'll only be for 10 days this time.

Better news : He got me my V-Day gift from there. His only hint was it'll match most of my bajus (not that I can fit into them soon! Muahahaha).

Not-so-good news : He has to go again in April and September *sigh*

2. My long awaited beach trip to Phuket is finally here.

Good news : The hotel looks really nice, and cheap to boot.

Better news : My boss approved my leave.

Not-so-good news : Am down with a cough, and all the forces (ie Buster, Mama, Aboh, Daddy, doctors) are not in favour of me going. Without their blessing, looks like I need to give up my seat.. *Huwaaaaaa!!!*

Consolation news : Buster feels so guilty about me missing my holiday that he might bring me with him in April. Woohoo!! *fingers crossed*

3. T starts working today

Good news : He is back in KL. I actually missed him.

Better news : He'll be driving me to the train station until Buster comes back. In addition to being an errand boy to his so-called pampered at the moment sister.

Not-so-good news : His furniture is coming in on Saturday. He'll be moving for good next weekend. *sob!*

4. One of my girlfriends is currently in a relationship

Good news : She is sooo happy.

Better news : He is a nice guy. Oh, and did I say, she is soooooo happy?

Not-so-good news : What bad news?!

5. More and more people in the office caught wind of my 'state'

Good news : I am often visited with happy people congratulating, useful tips, food (yes, food!) and offers of lunch.]

Not-so-good news : I am also visited with numerous ridiculous tips and scary stories of childbirth. Err..hello..I can do without those for a while.

The storks came visiting..

2006-02-08T14:53:00.000+08:00

For the past few months, I kept asking myself how happy I really was. At times, life feels rather empty. It is like I am just going through the motions. Going to work before the sun goes up, come home after it sets, dinner, tv or books and sleep. And the cycle repeats itself..day by day..week by week..month by month. For a couple that have been together for almost 8 years, familiarity can be such a bummer sometimes. Elements of surprise can be verrry long in between.

Life is slowly becoming so routine..so predictable..so.. BORING.

Until a miracle came our way. A routine check-up with Dr Siti turned out to be a wonderful surprise. In between of doing a pap smear and looking at potential dead cells problem, she noticed a small water bag. She chased us off to the lab, and lo and behold..this lioness is now with a bun in the oven. Scared as I am, I can't think of a better time for Allah to grant us this gift.

Alhamdulillah. Wish this future mommy good luck, people.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

2006-01-27T19:19:00.000+08:00

'Tis the long awaited break - a whole week of holidays, just by taking one day off.!

*Aaaahh.. bliss*

Just realised today that Lalang is such a two-faced b**ch. She should be thanking her stars that I am still helping her, instead of complaining about me. Too bad she didn't realise who she was speaking to. Let's see how she'll fare the next two weeks!

Alright, enough whining. Have a great weekend folks. And Happy New Year - both the Lunar Year and Maal Hijrah.

Free maid service, please?

2006-01-18T16:50:00.000+08:00

My house looks like tongkang pecah again now that T is back in Terengganu. (And once he comes back after his short holiday, he'll start working and will be staying over at his new crib.)

Every night I would tell myself, I'll do it tomorrow. But come tomorrow, the clothes would remain unfolded, the cushions scattered all over the living room and the trash would take more than 3 days to be taken out.

Yes, Buster is around. And he DOES help around the house when needed. *He is marvellous with the dishes!* But I guess I have to live with the fact that I married a not-so-domesticated-city-boy who doesn't seem to share my passion of doing laundry, dusting furniture and vacuuming floors!

Come back T...PLEASE.....

Mondays..

2006-01-16T12:51:00.000+08:00

I feel so lethargic lately. My weekends have been busy with office engagements and family functions. All I need now is for that long week off during CNY to come quickly. It doesn't help that I am down with flu and sore throat. The MC from my doctor is still in the handbag. Will definitely use it this afternoon should Fake annoys me too much.

Anyway, Monday has always been the day of surprises. My new boss, Milk conveyed an offer of yet another position to me this morning. The plus side:

1. It is away from the centre
2. It is a division I've always wanted to go to
3. It is my chance of breaking away from the people I am currently with

Milk sounded upset that the offer came now, after she had already confirmed our positions, and her plans for this department. She told me that my name came out tops since:

1. I have made it crystal clear that I want out
2. I have all the experience related to the job
3. They need someone who could be transferred immediately

As much as I want to move out, I do not want to do the same thing again. Yes, it'll be in a different business but it is basically doing the same sh*t that I have lost faith in. Plus, I have given Milk my word that I'll stay for a bit before I get restless again. It wouldn't be fair for her for me to just up and go. *sigh*

My question is - What the hell are those people (the supposed Powers That Be in the office) doing? They should have thought everything over before issuing transfer letters to everyone like there's no tomorrow. Milk said there will be another major movement for the lowly servants (ie the gang and I) soon. Talk about PONCs and wastage of energy, time and effort. These people should be the picture accompanying the word in any dictionary!

Oh dear, here she comes again. God, give me strength and patience please....

Back to Drama Land

2006-01-03T14:13:00.000+08:00

After 10 days of absence from the corporate world (and its drama), I am back in the office. I was welcomed with a letter of transfer (yay!) effective immediately. I am now to report to my former boss, Ms Milk with a whole new set of accountabilities. Am I happy? Hmm..good question. I am happy to be out of this current position. I am happy to be given new challenges. I am happy Milk has faith in my abilities. And I am happy that I was being heard. However, I am not so sure I am going to be happy staying in this line for at least another 2 years. Right now however, I take it as my rezeki tahun baru. Insya Allah things will turn out well. Even Crazy seemed a bit sad I was leaving *HAHAHAHA* and is worried that my replacement would find my job too administrative for her. You think?! Why in the world do you think I wanted out in the first place??!

Aaanyway, a week at home playing Vorfied and watching the whole season of CSI with T was worth it. Apart from the occasional distress calls from Lalang on the work I left for her to check, it was all right. The work on T's apartment has been completed, and we have been shopping for drapes and furniture. With the limited fund of an unemployed graduate, he has inherited most of my bachelor furniture (Carrefour dining table for 4, Sg Besi sale TV cabinet and a Dreamland mattress) and we got him a new bedroom set as a housewarming gift (cum graduation gift cum birthday gift cum new year's gift - shows how kedekut we are!).

New Year was a quiet event. We were at home watching the countdown on TV. Invitations for supper and new year drinks were turned down. It was funny since my 30 something friends were out there dancing their hearts out at rave parties and concerts. Maybe I am getting old. Maybe I am no longer up to endure the smoke, loud music, drunks as the new year waltzed in. Maybe I was just to darn lazy to drag my ass out the door!

So, happy new year everyone. Here's to another long weekend at the end of the month! Hehehe...

And I'm off!

2005-12-23T17:57:00.000+08:00

A week away from the office that is.

Not that we are going anywhere pun. My idea is to just laze around the house and pamper myself.

may try to update, if I can find an internet connection.

Merry christmas and have a wonderful new year, everyone!

Breaking the silence..

2005-12-19T09:56:00.000+08:00

Gosh, I just realised how long I haven't been writing. Maybe it is because the little time I have after office hours and during lunch. Since I have been starting this habit of going down for lunch again, and leaving slightly after 5.30 p.m. The fallback of doing so, apart from never getting to type my scribbling is that I don't get to save as much money. Lunch here is EXPENSIVE! Not that there are no cheapo places nearby, I am just too lazy to drag my now-very-big-butt out of the complex. Serves me right when I got comments like 'Waaah, you takde shape la sekarang!' (Courtesy of Cindy the consultant and Ms Gold the tailor). *PFFFT*

Aaaanyway, it is already the start of the 3rd week of December. I am getting more and more excited by the day because:

a) Crazy is on leave. Enuff said.
b) I'll be on leave starting this Friday until next year
c) Mama and Aboh are coming for Edie's wedding this weekend and staying for a bit.
d) I get to play Eric Leong for T's new apartment, once his wiring and plastering work is done.
e) I'll be AWAY from the office *YAAAAY!*

On a more interesting front, my long-awaited holiday may just materialise. Not one, but TWO!Although the tickets for the first one is still on wait list *sigh*, Emm has managed to grab FREE tickets for us girls to go for our beach holiday in February! Oooh, the idea of sun and sea is just so very tempting.

*Note to self : Need to tone up and get some 'shape'.*

T is staying with u s for the time being. He calls himself the squatter, but I am secretly glad. With him around, the house looks more 'lived-in' rather than a place to sleep. Plus, we get to be home more than those stop-overs and sleep-overs in Daddy's place. T is also rather helpful around the house. At least, the laundry doesn't take 2 days out to dry and the garbage is always taken out on time.

Enough ramblings for the day. Meeting awaits.

On this day, 2 years ago..

2005-12-06T17:30:00.000+08:00

Today, two whole years has come and gone
Since the day your heart and mine
Met and agreed to twine
Themselves in conjugal bond as one.

Today, the globe has returned again
To the spot where it began its journey
That moonlit night, sweet as honey,
When our journey of love first began.

Today, we have counted two whole years;
Next, we shall count another still,
And yet more and more years till
Our children’s children begin to rear.

O what boundless joy thrills my heart now
That Heaven should mark me out above
All His creatures to bless me with such Love
So perfect, and a goodly man such as thou.

Today, the globe has returned again
To the spot where it began its journey
The moonlit night, sweet as honey,
When our journey of Love first began.

A Mother's Birthday

2005-12-05T16:40:00.000+08:00

Today marks the 57th birthday of the person who brought me into the world.

Before I was myself you made me, me
With love and patience, discipline and tears,
Then bit by bit stepped back to set me free,
Allowing me to sail upon my sea,
Though well within the headlands of your fears.
Before I was myself you made me, me

With dreams enough of what I was to be
And hopes that would be sculpted by the years,
Then bit by bit stepped back to set me free,

Relinquishing your powers gradually
To let me shape myself among my peers.
Before I was myself you made me, me,

And being good and wise, you gracefully
As dancers when the last sweet cadence nears
Bit by bit stepped back to set me free.

For love inspires learning naturally:
The mind assents to what the heart reveres.
And so it was through love you made me, me
By slowly stepping back to set me free.

Copyright : N Gordon

Happy Birthday Mama. I love you.

2005-11-28T10:34:00.000+08:00

Office is rather quiet today. I am totally loving it. All those important people (read: Cruella, Ms Crazy, Lals and the rest) are away on errr... Away Day. Of course la I have like a long list of things to do on my 'amanat', but the thought of able to work without these people breathing down your neck is so calming.

Since I have been postponing my getaway (from November to December, now to January - you get the drift. I just hope it will materialise!), Buster took me to his office's quick getaway on Saturday. Nothing fancy, just plain ol' PD for a night. Well, at least I got myself a spa treatment and BBQ out of it. Although I can no longer strut around in my swimsuit and skirts due to the company (err..and those love handles!), it was alright being by the beach to watch the sunset and build sand mountains with the kids. I wish my REAL beach holiday will happen soon though.

Had Anne's belated birthday with Kerry and Buster last night. In honour of Ace who is away in NY, we had our dinner in Chutney's, an Indian Cuisine hidden gem in PJ. The food was marvelous and the company was even better. Been a while since all of us met up, so dinner was followed by desert in Lucky Garden, where we shared 6 pieces of cakes and pastries among the four of us! Updates: Anne is currently taking her exams while Kerry, apart from being the pillar of strength for her family, is also busy with her beau Kay. Chinaman Triad King lookalike Mikey (who sported blonde, white streaks and finally platinum longish hair throughout college) is now a clean-shaven, short haired, devoted father of a boy and a girl. Cik Wan is now working in Shanghai, and damsel-in-distress Moon was last heard working in a local bank while completing her ACCA.

Am sleepy to the max right now. Funny, since I slept for 3 hours yesterday evening, plus my normal 7-hour sleep. Too much sleep maybe?

A Tribute to Yong

2005-11-17T10:10:00.000+08:00

She had always been around for all of us. She was the glue that hold us all together. She would know the latest news (and gossips!) And made it her job to relay it to all of us. Although this earned her the title of CNN, it was meant in a good way. And every time us kids - the nieces and nephews mainly, had difficulty telling our parents certain things, she would be the one we all turn to get advice. She was our first boyfriends/girlfriends, she took us through heartbreaks, she even provided weekend shelter for a few of us who left home to study in the Klang Valley.

Yong is Mama's first cousin. The eldest daughter of Tok Chik (Ki's younger sister), Yong and Mama grew up together in that big house in Kampung Raja. After she completed her education in Tg Mahmud School, Yong fell in love with one of the teachers there and got married to Uncle. As Uncle was also in the education line, he and Aboh hit it off very well. Later, they moved to KT and lived about 10 minutes from where our house is. When my cousin entered their lives, everything centered towards their little princess. But she has never neglected the nieces and nephews who have had her attention before that. I am lucky for Tash and I are of the same age. Like our mothers, we practically grew up together. Yong mothered both of us when Mama was busy at school. She picked us up from kindy, took us collecting remis by the beach, brought us to the playground, read us books, accompanied us to ballet, etc. I guess it is true what Bro said to me - a close aunt covers the area your own mom can't do.

In 1987, Uncle got promotion and they had to move. It was heartbreaking for me to them leave for they were the only family I was close to at the time. But on the other hand it was also exciting for I get to spend my school holidays wherever they were posted! Yong remained the mother she'd always been no matter how long we've been apart from each other.

Post SPM : I left good ol' KT to join college. At the time when I got the offers to do my degree, I was away in the States for a month. Mama and Aboh accepted one on my behalf, and rejected the rest. I have to admit, it was the best decision at the moment. However, after a month there I was told that the terms and conditions changed. I would miss out completing my degree outside of Malaysia. I was upset, but I didn't want to make my parents feel bad. Who did I call? Yong. Who did I pour my heart out? Yong. And it was dearest aunty called my parents soon after to tell them I wasn't happy. Within two days, she picked me up and sent me back to settle things with my parents, who subsequently wrote a letter to my then sponsor to take me out of college. In a way, if it was not because of her interference, I won't be where I am today.

All the while in college, her house became my weekend getaway. Even though Tash was also away in college, I never felt more at home being there. She made sure I was fed and rested, and made it to all important functions Mama and Aboh couldn't attend. When I was overseas, she would always be there to send me off whenever I had to leave. She was the first family member I introduced Buster to, whom she'd taken to immediately. Buster too loved her from the first moment they were introduced.

Over the years, she extended the same hospitality and love to T and our younger cousins. T even had his own room in her house! Buster and I became regulars for breakfast. She picked up Jay's kids from school, who in return were at her house all the time. Even Tiny's elusive daughter became all talkative and manja when it came to their Tok Mi. Yong was indeed our mother away from home.

I spent my last two moments with her during raya. We went to Yong's house on the 4th raya - as soon as we came back from Terengganu. Although only with 10 minutes notice, she managed to serve us with 2 different kind of nasi! We also had cake for it was Tash's birthday. She was never happier to see us eat and fed us gossips about our family who celebrated raya in KL. She told us she might be going back to KT on Friday - to stay at 'Hotel Mama'. We promised to see her again before she left.

Thanks to Pak Long, we managed to keep that promise. We had dinner in Subang on Wednesday. Yong was all excited to see Pak Long, Abang, T and myself with our partners all at once. We were laughing over dinner, and we were laughing at her over desert. It was such a happy outing. Should I have known it would be our last, I would have hugged her a little tighter, and made her stay a little longer. My last conversation with her was on Saturday, to thank her for ordering Nasi Dagang for Daddy's open house. She sounded well and excited to be in Terengganu. I didn't talk to her long. My last word to her was - See you in KL!

I got the call from Aboh on Monday, 14th November at 4.45 pm. He just told me in a broken voice - I have not so good news. Yong dah tak ada. I made Aboh repeat it so many times for I couldn't believe my ears. But when I heard Mama crying in the background I knew it was true.

Yong passed away in Karak on her way back from KT. She complained of feeling feverish the night before, but refused to see the doctor when Mama suggested that morning. Pak Chik & mak Chik said she was fine all the way in the car, although she slept most of the time. She never complained of any illness. She even called Mama after lunch to inform that she was feeling better. Pak Chik decided to get a few minutes of sleep in Karak. At the fateful stop, Yong stepped out of the car and collapsed. Mak Chik came to help and put her on her lap, but by then she was already gasping for air. She never said anything, didn't answer to their calls and exhaled her last breath.

God loves her more, I know. The passing came so easy for her. But she has also left a huge void in all our lives. Uncle and Tash seem so lost. Us nieces and nephews are left with only memories of her warmth and grace. And I personally, lost my second mother.

Rest in peace, Puan Zahariah Abdul Majid. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman.

Al Fatihah.

Open houses and raya food..

2005-11-14T13:52:00.000+08:00

Syawal weekends are often so tiring. As the city people trying to squeeze in a day to invite friends and families over for Raya, the rest of us will end up eating 3 different sorts of rice, 5 different types of drinks, and endless variety of kuih rayas. *No wonder the clinics are making a fortune describing indigestion pills to people this festive season!*

Last weekend saw me co-hosting our own open house at Daddy's. For the first time, Daddy asked to look for Nasi Dagang. Since his not-so-skillful daughter-in-law knows nuts about cooking this Terengganu dish, I did the next best thing - order it from a Terengganu makcik. She comes highly recommended by my uncles and aunties, and these people have been eating Nasi Dagang everywhere! Others on the menu was Nasi Lemak Sambal Sotong(courtesy of a Keramat stall and BW's sambal expertise), satay with nasi himpit and kuah kacang, and Laksa Penang. I am glad to report that the sales of Nasi Dagang on that day was excellent. People were delighted to see something other than the normal delicacies. *grins*

One up for the youngest DIL! *Although it can't beat to actually cook like BW la kan? LOL*

The guests started coming as early as 11, and the last ones left well after 7 pm. Thank goodness the food were enough for everyone, and just nicely enough for dinner. No shortage, and no wastage..just the way I like it. Most of the guests were family members, close friends and neighbours. One new neighbour, an expatriate German family living opposite us found out that our next door neighbour are also German! They stayed on and chatted for the longest time. Buster's aunts from Ijok brought over their anak angkats from Japan, Indonesia and Brunei who were in Malaysia on their last day. In between running to and fro the kitchen, I could hear people speaking in numerous languages that it became not unlike a Raya advert on tv!

As usual, Daddy forgot to invite his latest menantu's side of the family until the last minute. Dah malas nak rasa hati dah...it happens often enough. Since I only invited them a few days prior to that, most couldn't make it. But of course, I can always count on T, his gf and the whole Horse Hill entourage. I so enjoyed seeing them eat almost EVERYTHING we served! Tash came with them, and for the first time that day I sat down and ate. I think most of the tables were looking at the loud Terengganu speaking crowd! Emm came right after. I was happy that at least the closest people to me showed up. By 1730 hours, I sat down to have a bowl of laksa when Uncle Pious Pilot and Aunty Nice walked in. Yay! One elder relative actually made it. Daddy and Uncle PP had a discussion on lambs and asam keping *DO NOT ask me why* while Aunty Nice told me the wedding preparation for my Emmy Award cousin Edie (this needs another entry).

The cleaning-up process was tiring to the max. Enough to say that even the sofa never looked so good.

Yesterday was spent driving and visiting 3 different open houses and a 9-course Chinese wedding dinner. I don't think I can even fit into my raya clothes after this!

A Belated Raya Wish

2005-11-09T08:26:00.000+08:00

It is now the 7th day of Syawal. For those who are strong enough to complete their six days of fasting will celebrate Raya Enam tomorrow. Yours truly haven't even fasted a day since Wednesday *hangs head in shame* but am determined to start soon.

Raya was good. It was even better due to the fact that I was home *grins*.

So, SELAMAT HARI RAYA to everyone. Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Note: Will definitely update this better once I can find the time!

Happiness is..

2005-10-28T08:07:00.000+08:00

.. being greeted by your excited 1-year-old niece at the door..

.. sharing a personal joke with your sister-in-law..

.. getting an SMS from your husband from across the world..

.. having a quiet, quality conversation with a close friend over pasta and gellatos..

.. knowing that your boss decided to take the day off *yay!*

.. spending your buddy's last day at work doing manicures during lunch

.. the idea of having your bed mate back home in about 12 hours..

It is indeed a good day..

I am a princess..NOT!

2005-10-25T11:38:00.000+08:00

You Are Ariel!

Headstrong and fiesty. You have a mind of your own that's full of romantic dreams about the world around you. Exploring exotic places is your ultimate dream, and although you can be a little naive you'll realize that there is something to be gained from your family's wisdom.

Which Disney Princess Are You?

It ain't worth it..

2005-10-18T13:39:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Pack their bags, seal the box to misery and hop onto the next train to happiness and recovery. And with that, grit their teeth through the cr*ppy moments and use it to make them tougher.

It may hurt, yes..but there are others who are hurting even more. It may even be bitter, but aren't the truth sometimes are hard to swallow? So, they move on with their lives...not forgetting the pain or betrayal or loss they have endured.

But what about those who refuse to move on? What about those who prefer to take the route to self destruction instead? Those who are determined to drag others down with them, just because they cannot accept what happened? Oh yes, and what about those who see everyone (and everything!) else as a reason for his or her unhappiness?

They suffer. They become bitter and resentful. Some even tend to be psychotic. They will end up losing their minds eventually. People who were originally rallying for them will end up whispering behind their backs.

Well, for all I know - they can wallow in self-pity and denial and bitterness all they can.. But the thing they should realise is that the world goes on without waiting for them and in the end, it is YOU who is left to pick up the pieces anyway. And by then, others would have moved on without you.

So before you choose to break someone's heart, or pointing fingers at others for your downfall..remember to look into the mirror first and ask yourself -

IS IT WORTH IT?

IS IT WORTH LOSING YOUR SANITY AND HAPPINESS AND RESPECT OF OTHERS?

IS IT WORTH IT TO LOSE YOURSELF?

A Walk Down Memory Lane - Berbuka Puasa

2005-10-09T19:56:00.000+08:00

It has only been the third day of puasa and I am already counting the days to go back to Terengganu. Even with the 'situation' I have with Mama, I miss going back. It being the fasting month is making it worse. Don't get me wrong, I am loving this whole new experience of fasting as a couple, but sometimes you get homesick.

When we were growing up (and when everyone was still at home), we simply loved Ramadhan because of the food. Everyday, Wan would whip up some kuihs for iftar, and cook anything our hearts desired. My all-time favourite is Wan's Bekang Ubi and Puding Gula Anguh (more famously known as Creme Caramel). Abang would always ask for kuih bekang or tuppat sutung, and T? Well, we told him he couldn't demand anything since he didn't fast *snicker*.

Our daily routine after school during Ramadhan would be mengaji and finishing our homework before Mama and Aboh got home. About half-past five, we would pester Aboh to bring us to Pasor Chabang Tiga or Jalan Panji Alam for our dosage of side dishes. I just loooove the market during puasa. Everything smelled so good, there were so many colours - the people, the stalls, even the food. We would never fail to get at least a dozen ttupat goreng (deep fried ketupat pulut) to be eaten with sambal daging @ serunding. Oh, and either cendol, cincau or biji selasih (although we call it telo kattok) to drench our throats. A stop by the mercun stall is also a must to stock up on our ammunition!

By the time we get home, it would be about half an hour or so to countdown. I would be in charge of setting the table and help with the food we brought back (and T tasting them). Abang would distribute food to our closest neighbours. On the days where we are blessed with nyor muda (young coconuts) from Mama's staff, we would all three flock at the back to help Aboh. I love scooping the soft, succulent coconut that was to be combined with the juice.

Ten minutes to countdown, Aboh would start preparing our drinks. Our must-have drink was (and still is) homemade air sirap in a big mug, together with either cincau/telo kattok/cendol we bought. Mama would switch on the radio, and sounds of the holy Quran being read would fill our kitchen. We would know when the time for berbuka is near when the radio started playing some middle-eastern music..and would take our seats.

The faint sound of cannon blast marks the time for iftar. Followed by the azaan from our neighbourhood surau. Without fail, Abang and I would finish our first mug of sirap even before we touch any food - much to the elders dismay.

'Kembong perut kekgi'.

After filling our tummies and performing our prayers, we would get ready for out Tarawikh prayers. But that's another story for another day.

This day, seven years ago...

2005-10-05T16:01:00.000+08:00

..I said YES to being Buster's girlfriend, by the door of EllyB's dorm room.

Happy 7th 'steady' Anniversary, my love.

It is Ramadhan!

2005-10-04T17:03:00.000+08:00

Time flies without you realising it. Pejam celik pejam celik, Ramadhan is back.

I actually look forward to this.

The thrill of going to the mosque and see the familiar faces you see once a year.

The fun of going to the Pasar Ramadhan.

The peace and serenity of the month itself.

Among other million reasons..

And this year would mark my first year of fasting in our own home.

Here's wishing everyone SELAMAT MENUNAIKAN IBADAH PUASA..

Selfish commuters!

2005-09-29T08:46:00.000+08:00

Taking the train from Bangsar in the morning normally means I'd bump into Kak CT, a blind lady working in my building. We would usually board the train together and I'd walk her all the way to the reception.

I met her again this morning. We were talking about fire drills and weekends when the train arrived. She walked straight in to stand in front of the seats, in hope that some of the commuters would offer her one. Next to us was an elderly man who looked at us and gave me a half smile while signaling to the people seated in front of us. One lady was sleeping - so that was out of the question. The one next to her, right opposite the elderly man, was a VERY able, strapping young man. And he was fully awake, and FULLY aware that the two people in front of him deserved the seat more. He did everything to avoid eye contact - from playing with phone to checking his nails. The elderly man kept glaring at him, to no avail.

When the seat next to him vacated, the man finally sat down and signaled him to look at Kak CT. Like he cared. When he thought we were not looking, he'd steal glances towards her with a VERY uncomfortable look. *Although not enough for him to offer his seat*

Kak CT finally got to sit down 2 stops before our destination. A woman in her forties got a seat, and pulled Kak CT to sit down. The youngsters around her hung their heads in shame.

And the young man? He got off at the same stop as we did, running out as fast in guilt, only to bump into us again on the escalator. And he got some problem with his ticket.

I guess God pays in cash nowadays!

How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

2005-09-23T15:24:00.000+08:00

A good friend asked - how do you get over someone? Not just the person, but also the hurt that comes with it.

The truth is, I don't know. I am no expert, and I remembered being in a wreck too once.

What I learnt over the years however is:

It's not wrong to be sad or cry. It is your right. Cry all you want till you are all cried out. But after that, never look back.

Don't let him/her control your emotions. Some of them don't even think twice before they start screwing around again.

Prayers and doas do wonders. Family and close friends too are a great source of comfort.

If any information about him or her hurts too much, probably not knowing would be best. The great Allahyarham Sudirman chose to merisik khabar, but what's the use if it makes you sink deeper into the pit?

People say, keep the sweet memories, get rid of the bad ones. I agree to some point. But if the bad ones help you remember why you are better off without him/her, use that to your advantage.

I know this is easier said than done - but time will heal the pain. No one says that it won't leave a scar, because trust me it will. It may take longer for some, but as cliche as it may sound..there is always, ALWAYS a hikmah behind all that happens.

You may never get over the hurt totally. Most people walk around for years still carrying the bruises and wounds on their hearts over broken relationships. But my dear friend, you are one of the few people that I have faith in.

And I have faith that you'll come out of this just fine..

Renjis renjis dipilis..

2005-09-12T13:24:00.000+08:00

Attended a wedding on Buster's side of the family yesterday, and boy, I felt so lost!

Not that I didn't know anyone or things like that. Since Daddy wanted to be there early to help out, I had to leave with him before Jiji, Chulan and the rest got ready. As soon as we were there, I was taken by the hand by one of the ladies who helped out to make sure I ate. Okaaay. Told them I am part of the family, but they said - EAT FIRST, GO IN LATER. Had a bowl of soto and went in. *Was told later by an uncle, they call those who help out as merewang*

Soooo many people talked to me in Javanese! And all I could catch was Daddy's name, the word youngest, and Terengganu. Thank God for Aunty Nerry who translated some when she saw the blank look on my face! Buster had to help out outside so I was left to my own defences to assist with the food AND trying to understand what was asked!

Was sooo happy to finally see Jiji coming in after 2 hours. But by then, the worse has passed. And glad to say, I think I survived my test! *winks*

I want to break free..

2005-09-07T14:10:00.000+08:00

Emm and I were talking on the possibility of a weekend getaway or holiday somewhere. Well, I do it often..talk about going off somewhere, that is. Sometimes it happens, most of the time - not really. Apart from my Umrah trip earlier, the only getaway I have was going back to Terengganu. *The recent one was not even near relaxing!*

As much as Emm needs a break from everything that has been bugging her, I realise that I am in dire need of one too. Away from work *and Crazy Woman*, away from the family plans and schedules *and moody sisters-in-law*, and away from this tug-of-war situation I am in right now.

Suddenly, the idea of the sand, the sea and being away from it all sounds really appealing.

Tiga satu bulan lapan..lima puluh tujuh ..hari mulia, negaraku MERDEKA!

2005-09-01T17:37:00.000+08:00

Watching the shows on tv yesterday brought so much memories. Merdeka to me would always remind me of the stories from Wan and Ki about their hardship before we got our independence. Of how they used the house in Kampung Raja as a place for UMNO meetings. Of how they had to hide from the Japanese in the bushes, while keeping my mom safe. Of how hard it was to find rice.

"Susoh nok jjupe berah masa tu. Makang ubi kayu lah sokmo! Rebuh, makang dengang nyior, makang dengan gula, makang dengan sambal.."

"It was so hard to find rice during those times. We have to settle for tapioca all the time! Boiled, eat it with coconut, eat it with sugar, eat it with sambal.."

And it would remind me of the stories of how my dad got his nickname from a Japanese soldier. I can remember the history being re-told by my parents every year (that's what you get when both your parents are history teachers!). I still get all teary-eyed when I see those golden citizens being interviewed.

Oh, and the parade. Managed to catch an hour of the parade in Putrajaya from the comfort of my living room. It was like walking down memory lane! I was sharing with Buster *who fell asleep halfway* on how I would eagerly wait for the parade each year when I was little. Once in school, I was in the parade myself with fellow band members. *Although at that time it mattered more to most of us to get the top three places in the Brass Band category!* Mama and Aboh too had to be in the parade a few times, representing teachers of Terengganu.

But the best one was seeing Wan being pushed on a wheelchair in the national parade alongside her buddies as the Wira Negara - those who fought for the independence. She made me so proud! And eventhough her kids told her that it would be tiring for her, she wouldn't miss it for the world. Wish Ki was around too.

Yes, Merdeka means a whole of different things to different people, especially us post-merdeka children. For some it is just another off day. And some, a chance to stay out late to watch the concert and fireworks. I might not have a true meaning of Merdeka, but it has long since been one of the favourite days of mine.

SELAMAT MENYAMBUT HARI KEMERDEKAAN YANG KE 48, MALAYSIA!

A letter to you..

2005-08-24T17:39:00.000+08:00

You are the reason why I am here in this world. You must know that I love you to no end. Although I may not show it often, trust me I do. I would even die for you. Which sane person would not?

We were very close. Although you might not be the first person I turn to, you would be the only person I know who would be around for me no matter what. Wherever I was, you were just a call away. In my time of need, you'd never fail to be there.

But lately, that closeness seems to fade away. One moment we joke, and the other, I'd cry my eyes out. Conversations are no longer fun. Sometimes I just feel like not picking up the phone when I see your number. You've had me in so many different emotions in just one call. I feel sad, I get angry, I get frustrated. And most of all, you had me miss the old me - the one who would laugh and get excited to receive a call from you.

And now, I guess I am mostly tired. Tired of fighting, tired of listening to your judgments and tired of going through this emotional roller coaster. You change your mood so easily. One second you say you understand, but the next you make me never want to go back. You say you miss me, but at the same time what you're doing is driving me away. You put up all the expectations, most of which I deliver. But you expect even much more, which I sometimes get the heat for not doing them right.
All these when the people who are responsible get away blame-free.

Oh, and to pick on him is not fair. He is what he is. Yes, I would love for him to change. Yes, there are times I wish he isn't so hard-headed to see that it is for his own good. And yes, there are times I too become upset with him refusing to listen and cry myself to sleep. But he is a good man, and I know even you can't deny it. Has he not performed his duties well? Has he not been taking care of me all these while? I will convince him of what he needs to do, but to say what you said hurts. I know you mean well, but the reason you gave just sounded ridiculous!

I do love you. I want you to know that my love for you has never changed. It hasn't moved elsewhere, nor have I replaced you with another. And I never will. But right now, I just need you to be the person I love again. And I will try my very best to at least fit into the perfect mould you always wanted me to be. And should the day never comes, I would still love you irregardless.

Balik kampung..wo wo wo balik kampung...

2005-08-19T17:02:00.000+08:00

Yay! I am going back to Terengganu today!

*Lama bedo'oh doh dok balik..sapa orang siap tanye ingat ke dok lagi jalan..*

The two kids are following since their parents are not bringing them anywhere for school holidays. They are already talking about the beach and aiskrim goreng and swimming pools (err..don't ask me why). I just hope the PS2 will keep them occupied while I sneak out for a catching up session with Aefy and visit Ely's bambino.

Home sweet home - here I come!

P/s: Buster - we ARE going to come back on Monday, AFTER breakfast. No, no..huh, what? I can't hear you.. *goes off skipping towards the door*

Feeling nostalgic..

2005-08-17T17:07:00.000+08:00

I just found my book of poems I wrote ever since I joined the workforce *a.k.a the DARK SIDE!*. Some are rather silly, while others sad. Most were written based on the mood of the moment. *Realised there are even a few written in honour of the office's eye candy!*

This one was written when I was so smitten with Angel (as in the one in the series - David Boreanaz). And to realise that my colleague at that time has a resemblance just made the creative juice in my head pouring! *sigh*

Angel

Some say you are a myth,
Others say you're not real,
But that's not what I feel..
My friends say I'm dreaming,
Or perhaps hallucinating!
But no, not for me,
An angel, that's what I see.

You may not have wings,
And I dread to hear to you sing;
No halo on your head
Just a guy, others said
But to me, you're so fine,
You..the angel of mine.

Just so you know
I do cherish you so,
And if you ever need to leave
I thank you for this happiness you give..
And know this my angel
I will always remember you well,
Even after a long while
I'll go 'That's the angel, who always made me smile'..

Shoes, a woman's best friend #2 (after diamonds of course!)

2005-08-12T17:06:00.000+08:00

Took this from binx. I feel so flip-floppy now!

*Note to self : HAVE TO visit Pedalworks soon.*

Are we on, Malena and EllyB?

You scored as Flip-Flops. Easy-going and carefree, you love the feeling of the wind between your toes and the sun on your feet. Careful, though, these babies don't winter well.

Flip-Flops

60%

Quirky Shoes

60%

Sensible Flats

53%

Classic Pumps

53%

Sexy Heels

30%

What Kind of Shoes Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

NOTE TO BRO : My feet are asking when they are getting those new cross trainers. *hint hint*

Blurry, blurry day..

2005-08-08T13:45:00.000+08:00

The haze is back. And according to the news, it's here to stay for quite a while. In times like these, I am grateful that I don't have any history of sinus or asthma. Poor T has been constantly visited by his wheezing for the past 2 weeks, and Emm can't even walk out of an enclosed building without feeling dizzy.

As for me, I have to put my twice-weekly-power-walking session in the park on hold. MJ and I did try last week, but the haze got the better of me. I felt so tired that night and had a nose block. Buster said it was all 'in my head'. Sheesh.. *rolls eyes*

The haze started earlier with the Sumatran forest fire and thanks to the southwesterly winds blowing our way, it brought the haze together with it. And not to mention that open burning in Cyberjaya Park. What were those people thinking? Having fun making things worse?!

Driving out to lunch yesterday, I was thinking of the small things people could do to help the situation:

1) Avoid smoking in open air. I know it is hard for most, but maybe just for these few weeks?

2) Car pool or take the public transport - less exhaust smoke in the air, the better it is.

3) Put a stop to open burning! Even with this haze going on, I could still see some people burning dried leaves and their garbage. Please-lah people!

4) Instead of having a BBQ, why not have a oven-grilled meal? It'll be healthier to stay indoors anyway nowadays.

Well, that's my two-cents for the day. Maybe, just maybe with everyone doing their bit..we might get over this hazy experience sooner.

Baby Blues

2005-08-03T13:06:00.000+08:00

I was reading Marina's entry on benchmarks, and am drawn to it like a moth to a fire. Especially the part of babies and the questions she got relating to it.

Buster and I will be married for 2 years this coming December. So questions like :

'When are you getting an addition to the family?'

'Ni bila nak ada isi ni? *while holding my tummy - ARGH!*'

'Ish, takkan takde apa apa kut?'

'Family planning eh?'

are the routine enquiry I get every single day. Some of the 'macam bagus' people even warned me that I might be cursed with not getting any kids AT ALL if I planned during my first year of marriage *rolls eyes*. Oooh, and don't even get me started on the various tricks and advise on how to conceive. I think I can even start a book!

I got endless hints from Mama dearest on how her juniors have grand kids, even those with kids who got married later than we did are already expecting. BW is giving me a hard time for not getting my ob/gyn to recommend something to regulate my menses. The only people in the family who are a little bit understand would be my sisters-in-law Jiji and IJ. And I guess it is only because Jiji took 4 years to get Honey and IJ is also not blessed with a child yet.

The thing is, it is not that we don't want any babies. I love kids, and Buster adores them too. During our first year, we both decided that it would not be even an option to have a kid since:

1) It was honeymoon! *Err,and still is I might add*

2) We were still adjusting to living as husband and wife. With some hiccups at the beginning of the marriage, having a baby would not be the best idea.

3) I wasn't ready with the idea of motherhood. I was actually scared s*itless!

4) We were still living at his Dad's place.

[We have moved since, and although we still spend half the week at Daddy's we at least have some time to ourselves at home..finally enjoying each other's company *without competing with nieces, nephew, sisters, brothers and even his dad (haha) for attention!*.]

5) I can't imagine the responsibility of having a human being who would be depending his/her life on you 100%.

Lately, I have been thinking again and again whether I am ready to take the step. And the questions are now asked by myself:

Am I ready to give up my couplehood freedom?

Am I really ready or am I giving in to other people's expectation?

Would I be a good mother, or would I not?

Will my patience with kids improve when it is my own child?

Would I be able to spend enough time with my child?

Who would look after him or her while I work?

Is Buster going to help out - getting up at night, cleaning up and so on?

And the most ridiculous one:

Would Buster love me less? (I know, I know, it's silly)

With Aboh and Mama not getting any younger, the best gift for them would be the grandchild they've been craving for. Buster too has been toying with the idea of starting a family, especially after looking at how happy EllyB is with Maryam, and how Honey has changed Jiji and Chulan. But right now, I am going to take it easy and pray for the best. If Allah feels that I am fit and ready, He then shall bless me with one.

And as I am told, no one is really READY before it happens. Insya Allah, when the time arrives..my questions will be answered, and my fears will be overcomed.